BFP

I couldn't just leave it at that, now could I? 

So, it's early (very early) but we figured there was no harm in sharing our good news on the blog as few people who know us in real life know about this blog.  We'll try to wait the customary 12 weeks before telling most family and friends.  I also know that if anything happens I'll appreciate being able to "talk" about it on here.  

I didn't really feel prepared to blog about the TTC process this time around.  Nothing out of the ordinary, I just didn't want to focus any more of my attention on it than I already was.  Let's be serious, when you're going through this it is difficult to think of anything else.  I also didn't know how I would feel sharing about another BFN.  Everyone here was so sympathetic back in January, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel about that month after month. 

In addition to all of that, we've been pretty busy and tired the past few weeks and I didn't really have it in me to blog at all, no matter what the subject.  We had a week where The Bean was up in the wee hours of the morning, with what we suspect was teething pain.  (He has since popped two or maybe even three teeth  --he won't let us get a good look.)  Jen's parents came for a wonderful visit last weekend.  I had my final yearbook deadline and lots of difficulties getting the pages completed and edited.  I also started an online Additional Qualification course, hoping that it will help with job prospects.  So lots to keep us busy, but not very interesting blog fodder for the post part.   

The whole process was fairly uneventful.  Blood work and ultrasounds on Day 3 and then from Day 10 on.  The IUI was on Day 15 which I thought was late, but the lab work indicated was PERFECT timing.  And I guess it was.  The same doctor who did the insemination when Jen got pregnant with The Bean did my insemination this time.  I did some acupuncture seven days post IUI to help with implantation (increases blood flow).  Anyway, it seems that it all worked out. 

The photo earlier was from our first HPT, taken this morning.  I waited to take the photo (since I took the test at 5am) so the line isn't as clear as it was initially.  I took it back into the bedroom with a flashlight to have Jen look and confirm what I was seeing.  Of course, I wasn't able to fall back asleep after that.  I'll do another HPT tomorrow morning.  Tuesday is the follow up blood work at the clinic, and if that comes back positive they'll do second batch of blood work on Thursday to confirm. 


I know it's early.  I know things could change.  The test could be wrong.  But I'm still so excited. 

There's a baby in there. 

{this moment} (Really) Good Friday

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama.  

BFN

Two home tests and an early period make it pretty obvious that our first TTC#2 attempt was not successful.  With everything that's been going on work-wise and the stress I've been under we've decided to take a break this cycle and so I can try to get a bit more settled emotionally before trying again, hopefully in March.  I'm disappointed, but I'm not surprised. 

What I didn't blog about

So, what I didn't blog about last week is that on Sunday we did my first IUI attempt.  After getting the Very Bad News, we spent Friday and Saturday thinking hard about whether to go ahead with the insemination or not, but ultimately decided to try.  We agreed that if we decided to put things on hold because of my layoff we could end up  waiting a long time for it to be the "right" time again.  While the situation could be better, we will manage.  In some ways, getting pregnant now (or soon) could be better than putting it off in terms of my work situation.

I've been wavering back and forth between thinking that the insemination worked and thinking that there's no way it could have worked with the stress that I've been under.  (On Tuesday my body literally started shaking when some of my co-workers were talking to me about the situation.)  Even though we're trying to watch our spending now more than ever, I think I will pick up a pregnancy test when I go out grocery shopping and try to wait until Wednesday (10 days post-insemination) to take it.  Please keep your fingers crossed for us that we have a tough and sticky little baby in there. 

Sono

I went in for my sonohystogram yesterday morning.  There was no reason to think that anything would come up, but I was still worried that something might.  The doctor was able to give me the results right away and in her words, we are "ready to rumba".  What a relief. 

I'm still worried that it will take more than three tries to get pregnant and then we'll have to go to the clinic in Buffalo which will be quite a bit more difficult logistically-speaking.  I'm really worried that those three tries won't work out.  If they don't, I know it's not the end of the world, but I still think it'd be nice if The Bean and his future sibling could share a biological link. 

To end on a positive note, the sono didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would.  It wasn't comfortable, but I thought I'd be in some pain following the procedure.  Nope.  I got home and Jen and I took The Bean out for brunch and a walk around my old neighbourhood and a little shopping.  It was a really nice day. 

Curve Ball

Every once in a while life throws one your way. 

We met with the doctor at the fertility clinic on Thursday.  It was a lot different from our first visit there.  Before we went in with a list of questions, this time it seemed more a formality.  Yes, Jen was the one planning on getting pregnant last time, and this time it's me, but we are hoping to go through the same process (unmedicated IUI) so there really wasn't much to ask.

The doctor had a few routine questions for us.  She also gave us the good news that this time we could fore go the psychologist visit.    Then she told us that we could do our first attempt in December. 

December. 

As in next month.  

Um, I was thinking February. 

She said that I could get all my blood work and a sonohystogram done this month and as long as everything looked normal we could start inseminations in December.  I was half excited and half freaked out.  December seemed so soon.


After taking a few days to think about it and talking about it with Jen, we've made the decision to wait.  I'm the type of person who likes to have a plan and stick with it.  This was not the plan.  Just because it's possible to start sooner doesn't mean that we have to.  I can do all the screening now and do cycle monitoring through December to be sure that things are okay in January/February.  (The fertility clinic is closed for the holidays, so it all depends on how their hours and my cycle coordinate.) 

Plus, we only have three vials from our donor left in Canada.  If we did attempts from February through April, that would give me a month or two off and then I could do attempts over the summer in Buffalo.  (For newer readers, we have another three vials from our donor in the U.S.)  Whereas if we started in December and were finished as early as February, it would seem like a long hiatus before doing the U.S. attempts and I think I would get impatient having to put things on hold at that point. 

I need to keep reminding myself that we are not in a rush.  Things will happen when they're meant to happen, right?  (Fingers crossed that things do happen.)

Sprout?

Tomorrow we're going to the fertility clinic for our first consultation regarding Baby #2 (Sprout?).  It'll still be a while before we start inseminations or anything like that.  I imagine we'll do cycle monitoring in December and then maybe inseminations starting in January or February.  We'll keep you updated.  :) 

What's the What With that Thing

Five Minute Update

Sleep Training

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that Allison and I were working on sleep training The Bean. Before we started, we spent anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour bouncing, shhhhhing, and singing him to sleep. I felt like whoever was putting him down on any given night was giving up their evening in order to get him to sleep. After falling asleep he would be up anywhere from 2 to 4 times a night and we'd either be nursing or bouncing him back to sleep again.

I am now ecstatic to report that The Bean usually puts himself to sleep within 15 minutes. It will range anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour, but 15 minutes seems to be about the average. The other night, he went down at 6:00, had a brief waking around 9, and then went all of the way through until 4:00 a.m. Wow. That was the longest stretch of sleep I've had in over 7 months! I know cry-it-out isn't for everyone, but The Bean has made more progress with that method than anything else we tried (and we tried it all!).

Baby Ingredients

We have also been in touch with our sperm bank and were able to purchase the three extra vials that we were wait-listed for. There is one caveat. The samples can't be released for use in Canada. Fortunately, we live close enough to the border that a certain teacher would be able to drive down over the summer to have IUI attempts performed in Buffalo.

We debated whether we should purchase the samples if they can only be used in the US, but ultimately we both agreed that if we passed on this opportunity and Allison couldn't get pregnant with the samples we already have in Canada then we would be upset with ourselves for letting these ones go.

Wanted! A Few Good Vials

In early 2009, which in post-baby time feels like two decades ago, Allison and I spent months reading about, comparing, and choosing the donor we would use when trying to get pregnant.  Knowing that we'd likely each carry one child, we decided to buy enough samples so that we could use the same donor for each of us.  Then the kids could be biologically related.

We decided on our donor and purchased eight samples to get us started on my IUI attempts.  Our donor was new to the program, and donors typically have to agree to a one-year commitment, so we knew we'd have plenty of time to top up our samples once we saw how quickly (or slowly) the attempts went.

Round about attempt number 4 (out of 5) we were poking around on the web and noticed that our donor number wasn't populating anymore.  Our donor is from the US and deposits at a US bank, but we actually buy the samples through a Canadian lab that works with the US lab.  After speaking to the lab in the US, my heart sank a bit when they told me that not only did our donor quit the program, he also had a vasectomy.  

Calls to both labs indicated that they were also sold out of our guy's samples. I asked each facility to check stock that had been purchased and stored.  In Canada we struck out, but in the US, there were three samples that someone else was storing.  I asked to be put on a waiting list in case the samples were sold back to the bank.

The other day I came home to an email saying that they had three samples of our donor available again for purchase.

Score!

But, there's a caveat.  When samples are released to Canada, they have to undergo additional testing.  Because of the Canadian release requirements, I suspect we'll have to pay more to have the samples tested, but we'll likely lose one (if not two) of them to the process.

Right now I'm waiting to hear back from my contact at the US facility.  I'm excited at the possibilty of being able to get more samples, but I'm trying not to get too happy for fear that we won't be able to buy them.  I'll be bummed knowing there are some perfectly good samples just out of our reach.

Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Vial photo used in image is courtesy of Kriss Szkurlatowski.

Good News***

It feels like I've been waiting AGES to post this... I decided I'd make myself wait until six weeks, just to be on the safe(r) side. We're pregnant! Words cannot describe how happy I am. Of course, there's also a good bit of anxiety mixed in there too. I think/hope that after tweleve weeks that will start to fade a bit.

Here's "The Story". I wrote it about two weeks ago, after the clinic and our GP had confirmed things.

As we walked into the building, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that this time it was going to work. I bit my tongue. I didn’t want Jen to feel any added pressure. Just as I was thinking all this out in my mind, she turned to me and said, “I think this time it’s going to work.” I looked at her and told her, “Me too.”

Friday, ten days after the insemination, Jen took a home pregnancy test. She didn’t even tell me until the next day. It had come out negative.

Sunday was Mother’s Day. We drove out of the city to take my mom out for lunch. When we got back there was a message from our good friend, who we had considered using as a donor, on the machine.

Here's a transcription of his message:
“Hey you two, this is [your friend] calling, it’s ah, quarter after nine here, Sunday morning. I had a vision this week. I had a very clear vision that you all are going to have a baby very soon. If you’re not preggers already, don’t worry, it’s going to happen very soon. It came to me like the wind. It just blew through my bones as I was walking down the street. So, just hang in there. It’s all going to happen. It’s been confirmed! The angels have spoken! I am the messenger. Oh lordy, I need to have a cup of coffee... wake myself up here. Anyways, I have some clients coming soon, I had a half hour here, or forty five minutes actually, I thought I’d try and catch up with you guys. So hope you’re having a great day, and we’ll talk soon. Alright, take care. Bye bye”

Monday morning I got up and started getting ready. Jen followed me into the bathroom. She had another test with her. We both watched for the results. A horizontal blue line showed up. Not surprised, I went into the kitchen to make my tea. Moments later, she came out of the bathroom holding the pregnancy test. Her eyes were wide as she brought it over to me. “It’s faint, but there’s another line! I think I’m pregnant!” I looked, she was right, there was another line, blue and vertical. Faint, but distinctly there. I hugged her. She was pregnant!

Tuesday she went back to the clinic for the follow-up blood work. Our expectations from the day before were confirmed.

Our doctor told us that she is four week pregnant. Our baby is due January 21st, 2011.

PHOTO

Having a Baby: Priceless

One of the big questions we had when we began this process was how much it was going to cost. We have decent paying jobs and modest savings, but we needed to make some decisions about what we could afford. We didn’t want to go this route, but by way of example, IVF at $10,000+ an attempt would not be an option for us.

Here is a breakdown of the costs we have incurred:

One-time administration fee: $150
Sperm, eight samples (bulk price): $3800
Storage for three years: $675

Personal Profile, three: $20 USD each
Lifetime Photo series (2 photos): $25 USD

Psychiatrist visit (mandatory): $350*

Cycle Monitoring Fee: $40/cycle
Shipping: $105/cycle
IUI fee: $25/insemination

Acupuncture: $75/visit, 2 visits/insemination*

Progesterone: $75, $274.67*, $265.09*

Parking: ~$30/cycle
Home Pregnancy Tests: ~$10 each, 2 tests/insemination

Items that are starred (*) are covered, in part, by the supplemental insurance I have through work. Also, all the costs are not mandatory. We don't have to do cycle monitoring through the clinic, but feel it makes sense to do so. Likewise, the acupuncture is optional, but we've heard it can help and feel it's worthwhile. We don't have to order profiles or photos or take home pregnancy tests, but want to. And so on...

In total, I think after five attempts, it's cost about $8000, about $1500 of which has been reimbursed by supplemental insurance. Of course, with each attempt, the cost increases, but in the end it will all be more than worthwhile.

It reminds me of those MasterCard commercials.

Having a baby: Priceless.

Three Months?!

Oh my! I cannot believe it's been nearly three months since I last updated. I've thought about updating often, but I guess there have been a few things holding me back. #1. Time. #2. What to write about. #3. I'm still trying to decide whether I want to be blogging about this. I first decided to start blogging just to kind of keep track of what we're going through not only for our own purposes, but also in case there was anyone out there who was going through something similar and could benefit from us sharing our experiences. But then I start to wonder if that's self-indulgent, thinking that someone would be interested in our experiences. I've also found a number of other blogs since starting this one so a little bit I think there's resources and networks and whatnot out there already... no one needs us to do this. I'm still not 100% decided. I guess I'll continue for now and if I decide to stop, I can always stop.

The other thing that's been holding me back a bit is trying to decide what degree of information about myself and my family to be "out there". Do I disclose what city we live in? Our names? I feel like in part I'm writing this because I want people to be able to relate, but at the same time I don't necessarily want my co-workers or neighbours to be reading it. Actually, I haven't even told my wife that I started a blog yet. Not that I think she'll mind. I'm just kind of hesitant about the whole thing still.

Anyway, with that said, I will update about what we've been going through the past few months.

As I mentioned before, we did our first insemination attempt in November. It was unsuccessful. The fertility clinic we go to was closed over the winter holidays, so we didn't go in that month. January my wife ovulated early, so we didn't do an insemination that month either. February we had another unsuccessful attempt. We are now about a week into waiting to find out whether our March attempt was successful or not. My wife is somewhat convinced she will be able to tell right away whether it has "worked" or not, so I think she is not so optimistic about this month's results. I, on the other hand, think that I will wait until we've at least done a home pregnancy test before giving up hope. (Not that she's given up hope completely.)

We did have an appointment with our fertility doctor today. She called us in a little unexpectedly. Since we've had three attepts, we wondered if she wanted to meet with us so she could push some drugs on us. We both have a suspicion that the clinic wants good stats so they will start pushing the drugs if things aren't happening naturally. Fortunately that was not the case. The doctor's concern is that there have been a few months where my wife has ovulated early and even though all the numbers come back looking great on, say, day 8 or 9, that the follicle (egg) might not be mature enough when she does ovulate. She explained that we could go the route of taking very low doses of drugs to delay ovulation another day or two, but that she wouldn't really recommend that right now. What she wanted us to consider was not doing insemination attempts before day 10 if my wife were to ovulate early again. We're trying to avoid using drugs to help in the process because we would like to decrease the chance of multiples, but were agreeable to putting off inseminations for any months she ovulates early. So we're good for now. Hopefully the early ovulations have just been sort of one-off things and we don't have to think about this again, but I guess if they become a pattern we will reevaluate.

Right now this is the monthly process we're going through:
Day 1 -call clinic to notify them that my wife has started her cycle
Day 3 -go in in morning for blood work and full-bladder ultrasound to measure her hormone levels and follicle size
Day 8 -go in in morning for blood work and empty bladder ultrasound
-continue this until follicle has reached appropriate size (1.8mm or larger) and hormone levels (estradiol and luteinizing hormone) have spiked signaling ovulation
-on day that this happens go in at noon for IUI
-start progestrone treatments (the first time we didn't use any, then we used a twice-daily supository, and now are using Crinone, a once-daily supository, which I think we will stick with on any future attempts)
-two weeks following IUI go in in morning for bloodwork/pregnancy test

I guess that's enough of an update for now. I will try to post again soon(er).

And So It Continues...

So, first of all I will say that we were able to select a donor. Once we had decided which criteria were important to us, it wasn't too hard to narrow it down to a short list. We would have been happy with any of the choices from our short list, but were able to purchase multiple samples from our #1 choice, so that was wonderful. The receptionist at the sperm bank was extremely helpful and the whole process went very smoothly.

We were hoping that we would start inseminations in September, but during some of the initial tests at the fertility clinic they detected a polup on my wife's uterus which had to be removed. The surgery was done in late September and we had to wait until she had recovered before going back for insemination attempts. So our first try wasn't until November.

I was able to leave work on my lunch hour and go down for the insemination. They took us into the ultrasound room and asked my partner to undress and put on a gown. They asked me to hold the sperm to keep it warm. (I a little bit think they were just trying to give me something to do to feel involved, but I appreciate the gesture.) When they came back in the ultrasound tech put the ultrasound wand on my partner's stomach while the doctor put the sperm into a syringe with a catheter attached to it. She inserted the catheter and injected the sperm. Because of the ultrasound, I was able to watch the sperm go in and start swimming towards the egg. It was really neat to see.

Then came the two weeks of waiting.

We both thought we would be much more patient, but really we could not wait to know if it had "worked."  We went to far as to buy a couple of home pregnancy tests to take before the official appointment at the fertility clinic. Unfortunately both the home tests and the clinic test came back negative, so we will be trying again in January. (The clinic is closed through the December holidays.)

Fingers crossed for next time. :)

Things to Consider When Choosing a Sperm Donor

We're in-between appointments right now.

My wife is going to start cycle monitoring sometime this week and we have our psychologist appointment next week.

I wanted to take some time about some of the things we thought about when starting this whole process and also as we try to choose a donor.

First we had to decide who was going to try to conceive. We agreed that we would eventually like to try to have two children. I've known for a long time that I would like to have the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, my wife was not as sure. ("It's like having an alien inside of you!" she says.) So, it was either that I would try to conceive twice, or that we would each try once. Eventually she decided that she wanted to give it a try. Since she is nearly five years older than me, but still under 35, we decided that she would would go first. In a couple of years when we're ready to try for our second, it will be my turn to carry.

The second thing we had to decide on was whether to use a known or anonymous donor. There was only one guy we were considering as a known donor. He's a friend that I met in university. He's gay and is the single parent of a beautiful little boy that he had with a surrogate mother. He says it's the best thing he's ever done in his life and that he would be honoured to help us try to have children. We VERY seriously considered taking him up on his offer. He's kind, smart, healthy, gorgeous, and any children that we had would know who their biological father was. Logistically it was very difficult to work out though. We basically had two options. #1. Fly him out every month and use the turkey baster method. #2. Have him apply as a Designated (Known) Donor at a sperm bank... but this presented a slew of other challenges. Since he's gay we would have to fill out a special consent form and have it approved. Same because of his age (over 40). Also, his sperm would have to be quarantined for a year before we could start inseminations. Finally, using a Designated Donor is much more costly than going the anonymous route. Neither my wife or I were very comfortable with Option #1. We tend to be somewhat cautious and I think both liked the reassurance that comes with going through a clinic for cycle monitoring and insemination. Also, he's able to make that commitment to us now, but what if in a few years, when we want to have a second child, the circumstances have changed? (Not that we didn't trust that he would still be willing, more that he might not be able.) Since we are both planning on carrying a child, we would like to use the same donor, so that the children share a biological link. So we eliminated Option #1. For the reasons mentioned above, Option #2 was out as well. So that meant looking at sperm banks for an anonymous donor.

Here are some of the things we are considering now that we are trying to decide on an anonymous donor:
-personal and family heath history (a history of cancer or heart disease are concerns for us)
-appearance (height, weight, skin tone, hair and eye colour -looking for someone not too big and with similar colouring to either of us)
-interests (balanced, and if possible, somewhat in line with or complementary to our own)

Based on the research that we did we also decided that we should try to choose a donor who was CMV negative, had a reported pregnancy, and had IUI samples available.

We currently have the list narrowed down to 6 potential donors, and are hoping to decide on our top two before the end of the month. We plan on purchasing a number of samples and storing them so that they are available when we need them and there isn't question about the availability of additional samples from the same donor. (Of course, if it takes a lot of attempts, we may have to hope that there are additional samples available because we don't want to over buy either... this stuff is expensive!)

An additional FYI: According to the ReproMed website 42% of women using donor sperm conceive within 3 cycles and 67% conceive within 6 cycles (86% for women under 36 years old). The CanAm Cryoservices site lists pregnancy rates in the range of 9-20% per cycle. I'm the type of person who likes knowing the stats, even though I'm well aware that they're only stats and things can vary greatly from one person to the next.

Anyway, I know we had a ton of questions about choosing a donor, so I hope that this information helps anyone who is thinking about try to conceive using donor sperm. Maybe at some point in the future I will do a big post about the processes with the fertility clinic because I know that was another area that we really didn't know a lot about either.

Catch ya' later.

Appointment #2

This morning was our second appointment.

I didn't mention this in my first post, but we were not terribly enamored with the first doctor we met at the fertility clinic. She was very, well, clinical. We also found out that she specializes in "minimally invastive [surgical] procedures related to fertility", which we don't expect to be in need of, so perhaps she wasn't terribly interested in us. Anyway, when we were booking our second appointment we found out that she's only at the clinic one day a week in the afternoon, so we asked if we could be switched to another doctor. We met with the new doctor this morning and both really like her. She was very personable. She explained things extremely well, answered all of our questions, reassured us that she will be around to guide us through the whole process. So today was a much better experience overall.

As expected, the doctor went over my wife's test results with us. Actually, all of the results weren't in yet, so she went over the ones that she had and told us that in a week we can call and she'll go over the results that haven't come in yet. As I mentioned above, she also explained the process to us again and answered a bunch of questions we had about blood types and Rh factors and IgM and IgG and all sorts of things.

We're going away on vacation next week, so we weren't able to do cycle monitoring for August and the doctor recommended that we do one month of montoring before starting IUI so we will do monotoring in September and start IUI in October. That also gives us time to get counselling, which everyone who lives in Canada and plans on using donor semen/eggs has to do before receiving treatment. We're also still trying to narrow down our list of potential donors. We've chosen which bank we're going to go with and have a short list of about 10 potential donors to further narrow down.

So, our next steps are to get counselling, go through one month of cycle monotoring and choose a donor.

I'll keep you updated.

The Beginning

Where to start?

I am one half of a lesbian couple who is just starting to try to have our first baby. We decided many years ago that we wanted to have children. We weren't quite sure how we were going to make it happen, but it was definitely in "The Plans". There were other things that had to happen first. Me finishing school. Us getting married. Her moving to Canada. We've accomplished these things. Now it's time for the next step: trying to have a baby.

Unfortunately, when we started this process, we didn't know any other lesbian couples who had tried to have a baby, so we started off by researching things online. Eventually we decided that we would go to a fertility clinic with the hopes of getting my wife pregnant using donor sperm.

Yesterday was our first visit at the clinic. The doctor there went over my wife's medical history with us and asked us what our plans were. She explained a little bit about the process and gave us a package with a whack of information in it.

It seems the next step is for my wife to go get a bunch of blood work done and get the results sent to the clinic. They need to check hormone levels and some other stuff. My understanding is that they are looking for anything that might show that there could be difficulties conceiving. Hopefully there isn't.

We also got information on the sperm banks that we have access to. We need to look through their catalogues and decide which donor(s) we would like to use. (It's recommended that you choose at least one "back up" in case your first choice isn't available.) I think that it is going to be a difficult decision to make.

Appointment #2 is in a month. The doctor at the clinic will go over my wife's blood work with us and, assuming we're able to pick a donor by then, set up an appointment to start cycle monotoring.

And so it begins...