'Tis the Season

Despite my best intentions, I don't seem to be able to get here to write as often as I would like to.
I naively thought that I'd have all kinds of free time once both kids were in school. Turns out I'm still busy.

I've been trying to take care of the majority of the household chores during week so that we have free time to spend as a family on the weekends. In addition to that I've been doing a good bit of volunteering --an outdoor education class for preschoolers on Mondays, the school kitchen on Tuesday mornings, reading with first graders at the school on Wednesday mornings, a first grade class in a school in the next district over on Thursdays but nothing on Fridays. I'm also the Class Parent in the kids' class as well as the "Class Parent Coordinator" for the school.

Most of the volunteering has ended for the year and I have a little bit more free time thiscoming week. I'm sure it will still go quickly. The kids holidays don't start until the 24th, and they're off school until the 9th. Jen will take the week between Christmas and New Years. It will be nice to have a good stretch of time all together.

We'll be spending Christmas Eve at my moms, as we always do. Christmas Day we'll drive down to PA to spend time with Jen's family. Aside from cupcakes day-of, which is sort of a tradition now, we've decided to defer the kids' birthday celebrations until the new year. There won't be a big party this year, but we'll have some family over to help celebrate with cake. A princess cake for the four year old and a Storm Trooper cake for the six year old.

I don't think it will ever cease to blow my mind each time the kids celebrate a birthday. Four years ago today was actually Sprout's due date. I was huge and totally uncomfortable and feeling SO impatient.

Next weekend: cupcakes and Christmas. This weekend: early holiday celebrations, snow, and hopefully a few slow moments to sit back and soak it all in.

A Life of Joy

Early on in our relationship, Jen and I would send each other letters and packages in the mail. In one of those early letters, she included the poem, To a Stranger by Walt Whitman. It will always make me think of us, and remember those early days where everything was so unclear, yet I knew deep in my gut that the two of us were connected. That I was to see to it that I would not lose her.   

Passing stranger!  you do not know how longingly I look upon you.

You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,)

I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,

All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew yo with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me,

I ate with you, and slept with you --your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass --you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,

I am not to speak to you --I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone,

I am to wait --I do not doubt I am to meet you again,

I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Today we acknowledged the anniversary of our fourteenth year as a couple (since our first kiss) and our ninth year of being married. 

The past few years have found our relationship with each other taking a backseat to parenting. I know we still both love each other deeply. And are in love with each other deeply. But I also know that we need to start nurturing our relationship again. I hope that we're able to make that more of a priority this coming year.    

Happy Anniversary, Jen.  I love you.

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day.

Overall it's a non-event in our two-mom household, but I have found myself thinking about fathers and other father-types the past few days.  

Yesterday afternoon Jen put on some music and we were dancing around the living room with the kids.  Paul Simon's You Can Call Me Al came on.  I'm sure this was intentional on Jen's part.  She knows the memories this song holds for me.  I'm six years old and standing on my dad's feet, curls tickling my back as I look up at his face.  Giggling as we both sing "I can call you Betty/ And Betty when you call me/ You can call me Al/ You can call me Al."  His name is Allan, aka "Al", and though no one ever calls me Al, I still like the joke of him being called Betty.  The Bean and Sprout don't yet know the words, but they giggle as I spin them around the living room, singing loudly and off key.  

Earlier this week Jen's dad reassured me that though things are difficult right now I will never regret  having this time with the kids.  He poured me a whiskey and put on a TV show I could laugh at.  

These men, they're good men.  Our fathers and father-in-laws.  Grandpas and Poppies.  We are lucky to have them.

And though he's not a father to us or our children, I've found myself thinking about our donor.  His reasons for doing what he did.  The gift that he's given us in these children that he will likely never know.  I wish I could thank him.  

While our kids will never have a father to give homemade cards that look like dress shirts with a tie to, there is certainly no shortage of good men in their lives.  Men to show our appreciation to on this day.  One day they might feel like they're missing something other kids have, but I hope it won't be long after that that they'll be able to recognize what they have that other kids might not:  Great grandfathers.  Generous strangers.  And a lot of other people who love them very, very much.  

Mother's Day

A lot of people have been asking me what we do for Mother's Day, and I feel kind of guilty admitting this, but Mother's Day is pretty much a non-event in our house.

When The Bean was in daycare he'd come home with cute crafts and cards x2, which I though was quite sweet. Now that both little ones are home with me, Jen and I agreed that doing something on behalf of the kids for each other seemed a little silly.  

I know some two-mom families who love making a big deal of the day.  And I get that.  Anyone in this situation had to overcome at least a few obstacles to become a mother.  And that's totally worth recognizing and celebrating.  I know other's who divi up Mother's Day and Father's Day, renaming them appropriately.  That's just not us.  

A day spent together, which is what we've got planned, is probably the way we would all prefer to celebrate.  Maybe we'll go to a park.  Maybe the kids will cooperate and I'll get a cute photo of them together, or even better, be able to get someone to take a cute photo of all four of us together.  Maybe I'll paint their hands and stamp them onto a little canvas, or at least a piece of construction paper, because I know next year those hand prints will seem impossibly small just like last year's and the year before's do.  Or maybe the kids will give us what we really, really want and sleep in until 8am.  (Yeah, right.)    

Whatever you're up to tomorrow, I hope all the mother's reading enjoy their special day.

My Love, She Keeps Me Warm

Yesterday Jen and I celebrated our thirteenth anniversary as a couple, and our eighth year of being married.

Jen is the only person I have ever been in love with.  Saying that I cannot imagine my life without her does not come close to describing how much she is a part of who I am.

I was young when we met (so was she).  We have been through a lot together, both lovely and difficult.  We do well together.  We both strive for calm and peace.  Our differences complement each other, rather than cause conflict.  I know that I have her unfailing love and support, and she has mine.

Having children has shifted our relationship.  We don't have as much time for us as a couple as we once did, and I miss that, but I'm also so immensely grateful for the opportunity to parent with her.  She is selfless and loving and patient and generous and silly and thoughtful.  All the qualities that I admire in her are at the forefront when she is with our children.

Last night we went out to celebrate.  A low-key event at a nearby restaurant.  Food and drinks and conversation without interruption.  Not anything terribly novel, but a nice evening nonetheless.  A nice way to acknowledge our thirteen years together and to start into the next one.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Holidays

Nearly a week into the new year, I feel like it's time post about the holidays before they are a distant memory...

The whole holiday season seemed to go by super-quickly.  I've heard the same thing echoed by lots of other people.  Even though we aren't in the U.S. I think it had to do with American Thanksgiving falling so late this year.  I'm sure having Sprout's birthday festivities going on earlier in December also made a difference.

Christmas Eve we drove out to my mom's.  She and her boyfriend hosted a very nice turkey dinner followed by gift-opening.  My mom is German and growing up, we always opened all of our gifts on Christmas Eve, so that doesn't feel strange to me.  Just like I imagine celebrating two Christmases won't feel strange to our kids.  The kids were quite spoiled.  The two boys both had a great time playing with (/competing for`) new toys, while my brother supervised (/kept the peace).  We left later than we had intended to and were exhausted by the time we got home, but it was worthwhile.

We had intended to leave early Christmas morning to head to PA, but we all slept in and then took our time getting ready.  The kids opened their stockings and watched videos and Jen and I got the car packed up.  Traffic was a little heavier than it would have been had we left first thing, but it still wasn't bad and I think we felt better having had extra cups of tea and knowing that nothing had been left behind because we were rushing.

Jen's parents were at her aunt's house for dinner so when we got it we just got the kids fed and ready for bed.  After her parents got home we chatted by the fire and opened adult presents, so that Boxing Day morning would be all about the kids --their Christmas morning.

Needless to say they were ridiculously spoiled.  Like last year, The Bean took time to play with each new toy he unwrapped.  He had gotten down to his last few boxes and I asked him if he wanted to open another gift and he said, "Nope.  I'm good."  We're going to have to remember to ask Santa to cut back next year! ;)

A few days later we had a joint birthday party for the kids.  The Bean got the chocolate robot cake he had been asking for and Sprout got my family's traditional hot milk cake.  All the great grandparents came, along with a good smattering of aunts, uncles and some good family friends.  It was a very nice celebration.  I'd like to think The Bean's favourite part was his robot cake; Sprout's was DEFINITELY the balloon Grandma and Grandpa got her.  She didn't let go of it for three days!  (She even held it while nursing one day!)

While all the celebrations were lovely, the thing I enjoyed most about the holidays was spending time as a family.  We kept busy, but we didn't have a hectic schedule that we were working with.  We got to hang out with each other.  Play.  Chat.  Eat.  Relax.  It was really nice.  A good way to end the year.

{this moment} Almost Three

A Friday ritual. A single photo  - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired by SouleMama.

Sprout's First First Birthday Party

Last weekend we celebrated Sprout's first birthday (early) with our family here in Toronto.  We figured  with her birthday falling on Christmas Eve, which is when my immediate family celebrates Christmas, earlier was the way to go.  (Remember, we have The Bean's birthday right after the new year.)

My mom and her boyfriend, my sister and her husband and son, and my Nana, Aunt and two cousins, plus one of my cousin's boyfriends came to help celebrate.  My brother and his wife were supposed to join us, but my brother was feeling sick.  Likewise, my other cousin and her son would have come, but Sprout had been a bit congested and her little guy is only five months old.  Though we would have loved to have the company of those who couldn't make it, we still had a very nice time.

First birthday parties are sort of a funny thing, because the person being honoured doesn't really get it.  Sprout loved the tissue paper more than her gifts, and was a little skeptical when it came to the cake.   Still, she seemed happy to have a bunch of the people she knows and loves around, The Bean helped her out with the gift-opening and everyone helped with the cake. ;)  (An adorable owl cake made by my cousin!)

We plan on having some sort of a little cake after Christmas Eve dinner, and will celebrate both kids' birthdays in a joint part with the American side of the family while we're in PA over the holidays.

Hopefully when she looks back at the photos from this celebration she'll know how many people loved her and were happy to have her in their lives from the time she was just a wee baby.

My Son, The Princess

Happy Halloween everyone!

Spiderman.  Too cute for a mask.

A few weeks ago we broke out the dress up clothes and started asking The Bean what he wanted to be for Halloween.  He adamantly told us "Superwhy" and we subtly tried to steer him towards a costume that we a) had or b) could make (easily).  He then ran through a number of ideas --witch, doggy, skeleton, ghost, Spiderman, cat-- trying on various costumes as he went.

Kitty.

 By the time our first Halloween celebration rolled around we had settled on a skeleton.  We threw on his skeleton sweater and a pair of black pants, I quickly painted his face, and off we went to the party.

Sprout seem mildly unsettled by The Bean's skeleton makeup. 

That evening we had party #2.  It was a neighbourhood party at the nearby streetcar barns where we go for the farmer's market.  We went last year and had a great time, however, we both remembered it being hot.  We decided Sprout would forego the piglet costume in favour of something more breathable.  She has a sparkly little fairy get up that someone gave us when she was born (adorable, but yes, an odd baby gift) so that was settled.  As I was getting her changed The Bean walked over with a beautiful gold brocade number out of our costume box and announced, "I be a princesses too!"

Our little fairy princess, trying to eat her wings.

Jen and I looked at each other.  "How about a horse?" we asked.  "No, a princesses."  Neither of us were totally comfortable with the idea, but he insisted.  We pulled out a pair of tights and I quickly cut out a paper crown and into the car we piled with our two princesses.

On the way there Jen and I tried to convince each other that this was no big deal.  It's a costume.  He's two.  Halloween is about dressing up.  Still, we were concerned that someone might say something hurtful.  We told The Bean people might think it was funny that he was dressed as a princess.  He shrugged and responded, "That happens."  Clearly this boy is better adjusted than we are.

The Bean did get some glances at the party.  I think people mostly thought it was cruel that we had given such an adorable little girl such a severe haircut.  No one commented other than saying things about "All the beautiful princesses."  The Bean was happy.  He twirled with the best of them.  We thanked the Halloween gods.

I'm still thinking about it though.  Halloween is about dressing up.  And who cares what a two year old decides to be.  Is it really any more unusual to put our daughter into a fairy costume than it is to put our son into a princess costume?  It's pretend.  I repeat: Who cares?

Only the thing is people do care.  As parents, we want to protect our children.  I don't think twice when The Bean wears the princess dress at home, but out in the world I worry what others will say.  I don't want to see him hurt.

On no level to I believe that The Bean is gender non-conforming, but this small experience made me feel so deeply for parents of children who are.  How difficult they must find it to allow their child to express their individuality while knowing that not everyone will accept them for who they are.  I can't imagine how ambivalent parents in that situation must feel.  (And yes, I am talking about parents who are wholly supportive of their children, knowing full well and feeling heartbroken for children who do not have this kind of support from the people who should love them unconditionally.)

Tonight he's dressing up as a horse.  

I love my son, the princess, but I am also relieved.

Fall Foto Friday

S and Jackie teamed up to create the Fall Foto Fridays challenge.  I love these and look forward to playing along.

Here's my photo (or foto ;) ) for this week on the theme of baked goods/sweet treats:

Jen's birthday was on Tuesday.  Her birthday treat of choice is donuts, so even though she generally tries to avoid wheat, she indulged that day.

The Bean had a funny reaction to everyone singing her Happy Birthday.  Jen was amused.  This photo captures the moment perfectly.  :)

Easter (Photo Heavy)

This is a long overdue post.  I intended on writing about our trip/holiday right after we got back, but I've started an online course and it seems nap times have been consumed by reading and writing for it.  But I miss this space so I'm trying to figure out a way to work it in too.   

Easter in PA was lovely, as I expected it to be.  The drive there was a little rough.  We left at The Bean's bedtime, hoping that he would sleep in the car, as he's done in the past.  Well, Sprout slept pretty much the whole way (with breaks so I could nurse her) but The Bean, on the other hand,  was up until after 10pm (close to three hours past his bedtime/our departure).  It was fine for the first little bit, but when he got tired and was asking me to take him out of his car seat, rock him, and eventually settling for me holding his hand, well, let's just say it was draining.  Of course, every time he did start to drop off, Sprout would begin making noise.  One of the times this happened, he said, "I know, Sprout.  I know."  I about died.  Even with that sweet moment, I'll push for a daytime departure next time.  (The drive home was MUCH easier.)  

He slept in on Friday morning and woke up excited to spend time with his Grandma and Grandpa.  Even though we live far from them we Skype with them every weekend and it makes a HUGE difference to The Bean's comfort level with them.  

Grandpa took him out the porch to swing, but that quickly turned into a walk to the pond out back.   (I followed them with the camera.)

I tease Jen about growing up in the country, while she firmly argues that it is a suburb.  Either way, it is so different from being in the city and I'm glad The Bean and Sprout will grow up having this place to visit.  There is something special about being away from the noise and lights.  About being able to go out and walk and be in nature.  It is a special place.  When growing up we spent time up north every summer and fall.  Even though that was much more "the country," where Jen is probably closer to the truth calling where her parents live the suburbs, it has a similar feeling to me.   

The Bean loved the geese at the pond, so Grandma had to take him back to feed them.  They went for a walk through along the wooded path and across the little stream.

Of course, Sprout was not forgotten.  She got a lot of hugs and snuggles from Grandpa and Grandma.  She also got to meet a bunch of friends and extended family for the first time, including her great-grandparents.  Everyone was pretty smitten with her.  (And everyone commented on how big she is!)  

Seeing as it was Easter, we did some Easter-related stuff.  This is the first year that The Bean has really understood what is going on in terms of holidays and it was a lot of fun to see him get excited about things.  On Saturday afternoon we coloured eggs with him.  They were supposed to be tye dye, but the tye dye didn't really work so they were just coloured eggs that he drew on with a marker.

The Easter Bunny came and hid the eggs that night.  The Bean had such fun finding them in the morning and was very excited about his Easter basket.  I would have been too!  Seriously, I think the Easter bunny has stepped up his game since I was kid.  The littles were spoiled with clothes, books, and lots of chocolate for The Bean.  (Mama and Mommy got some got some chocolate from the Easter Bunny too.  Mmm.)

It was a really nice weekend away and a lovely way to spend the holiday.  I hope that we're able to continue some of the traditions we are beginning next year and in the years to come.


Speaking of traditions, both The Bean and Sprout have bunny toys that they were given by friends shortly after their births.  I've taken a photo of The Bean with his every Easter, I'm hoping to do the same for Sprout.

I know this is extremely belated, but I hope everyone also enjoyed their holidays and is looking forward to the warmer months.  After another snowfall today, I know I am.

Easter at Oma's

I'm proud to say that we made it through our first holiday celebration away from home as a family of four!  Last Sunday we drove an hour and a half to my mom's place to celebrate Easter with her, her boyfriend, and my sister's family.  Our trunk may have looked like we were planning on being gone for a week or more, but all went smoothly.  :)

Our family arrived early and spent some time visiting before dinner.  

The Bean was very excited that the Easter Bunny had visited and brought him a basket filled with treats (and eggs, he's adamant that there are eggs in Easter baskets).  He searched for eggs hidden in the living room, gobbled up chocolates, and played with little bunny toys that my mom had decorating the house.   

My mom's house is not the most toddler-friendly, but he did a really good job of not touching things or being very gentle with them when it was just too tempting not to touch.  Keeping The Bean away from all my mom's knickknacks  has been a source of stress for us when we've been there before (basically one of us had to helicopter him to make sure that he wasn't smashing her breakables).  Anyway, it seems like he can be trusted a little bit more now.  So maybe visits over the next few months (until Sprout is mobile) will be a little easier.  

We even got a family photo!  (It may be the first decent one of all four of us together.)

Today we leave for our first trip south to go visit Jen's family.  Wish us luck! 

Sick

I feel like I need to apologize for things being quiet here lately.  We've had quite the few weeks... I'm having a hard time keeping track of just when things started...

I think it was about two weeks ago that we noticed little spots around The Bean's mouth.  He is, of course, a toddler and as such, he doesn't always appreciate being wiped down after meals, so we figured it was just a little bit of irritation from something that got left on his face.  Maybe an allergic reaction to the strawberries which he decided he liked again.  (For a day.)  But the next day it was worse.  Our lovely daycare provider said something about it and when we really checked him out we noticed they were not only on his face, but had also spread to his bottom, arms, legs, etc.  We called the public health nurse and took him to the doctor.  Some sort of viral rash was the "official" diagnosis.  Something in the vein of Hand, Foot and Mouth, but as I said, also bottom, and arms and legs.  Pretty nasty looking, but apart from the scabby ones on his face, The Bean didn't seem to bothered by it.  We kept him home for a couple of days, which was exhausting, but we didn't want him to share it with his friends.  Fortunately Sprout seemed immune. 

And fortunately it (mostly) cleared up before his ring bearer duties at my brother's wedding.  I am not going to get into all the details, but I am so glad that it is over.  My brother is married and seems happy.  That is what is important, and I can try to forget about the less-pleasant parts.  (Number one for me being that our two-month-old had to be babysat in an upstairs room because there were "no children allowed."  The upstairs room arrangement only being being offered after many tears.  But I said I wasn't going to get into the details, so I'll leave it at that.)

And The Bean LOVED the "violins".  He still talks about them. 

Later that week The Bean spiked a pretty good fever and had to be kept home for a few days again.  Poor kiddo.  This time he was feeling it. 

I thought we had earned a break, but Sprout is now suffering with her second head cold.  (The first having run it's course sometime towards the beginning of all this crazy, but I truly cannot remember exactly when at this point.)  It is so sad to hear her snarfling and not be able to help.  Those nose aspirators are worthless.  I took ours apart and figured out a way to make it work better, but it's still only a temporary relief.  We've got her co-sleeper set up on an incline but that doesn't seem to be helping much either.  Last night, after being awake forever trying to get her settled, Jen took her out of the room so I could sleep.  Poor Jen, I know she is exhausted too, but those few hours of quiet saved me.  A nap is definitely on the agenda for today.   Though I know she's miserable, Sprout is still such a sweet pea, giving me big smiles when she's awake.  

 

Maybe she knows all this is hard on me too and is trying to make me feel better? In any case, I love her and look forward to her (and her brother) both being well again soon.