It's the Love You Give Along the Way

You can talk a great philosophy

But if you can't be kind to people every day

It doesn't mean that much to me

It's the little things you do

The little things you say

It's the love you give along the way.

                                                                        -Ani DiFranco, Looking for the Holes

This week started off badly.  

I've been extremely stressed about our finances.  On Sunday I was checking our banking online and noticed that I'd bounced not one, but two cheques.  This NEVER happens to us.  And really it shouldn't have happened this time either.  I had been moving money around and somehow the cheques got processed in the short time between money being transferred into the correct account.  I called the bank and they agreed to reverse one of the NSF charges, but we still got stuck paying for the other one plus having to rewrite the cheques and pay their NSF charges.  Grr. 

Then on Monday I decided to keep the car for the day.  I offered to drive Jen into work so that she wouldn't be concerned about getting there on time and so I could get an extra 20 minutes of time with her.  Anyway, on the way back home after dropping her off at the office I smashed the side view mirror off of the car.  Again, it shouldn't have happened.  I was on a side street driving (well) below the speed limit, but there were trucks from a construction site parked along the right side of the road and a woman pulled out of her driveway on the oncoming lane as I was driving by, so I tried to pull over so she could get by (not that she was giving me much of a choice) and sideswiped one of the trucks.  I was SO mad.  I got out to check what had happened.  Fortunately the only damage was to our car.  Not worth reporting to insurance, but still going to cost a few hundred bucks to fix.  Then, as I was talking to the owner of the truck a woman in a car behind mine started blasting her horn and rolled down her window to yell at me to get out of the way.  I told her she was going to have to wait a minute.  Her mature response, "No!  YOU have to wait."  I took my sweet time walking back around to the driver's side and driving home.  Not my finest moment, but really, as if she couldn't see I was already having a shitty day.  

And that got me thinking.  Had she shown some semblance of compassion in that moment I probably would have left feeling at least a little less shitty.  It may have made her commute a few minutes longer (if that), but she probably would have felt better too.  We chose how we are going to react to a situation, and this choice can pretty significantly effect our emotional state and potentially the emotional state of others.  

There's been a "kindness initiative" going around on Facebook.  I signed up on my friend's wall.  The gist of it is that you sign up and your friend promises to do something kind for you at some point during the year if you promise to extend the offer on to five more people.  I think it's a really nice idea.  I've even already done something kind for one of the people who responded to me.  

But here's the thing of it, it's easy to be kind to friends.  I want my friends to be happy.  I'm happy when I can do something that brightens their day.  I don't have the same investment in some random stranger's happiness.  But that's not to say that they couldn't use something to brighten their day too.  An act as small as that woman asking if I was okay rather than yelling at me to get out of the way would have made a big difference to how I felt earlier this week.  

Later in the week I was corresponding with someone (also on Facebook) about a toy they were looking to buy used.  I didn't end up having what she wanted, but after we'd established that, she wrote one final message saying thanks again, and "Off topic but your cover pic is beautiful! Lovely fam." My cover photo is one of me and Jen with the two kids. It's not the best photo, but I love it because it's the four of us together. I never really thought about people other than my friends seeing it when I changed it, but her noticing it and then commenting on it meant so much to me. More than she would have ever thought, I'm sure.

So I have a new kindness initiative for myself: Try to do something kind for people that I don't know. Even if it's just something small, like commenting on how well behaved their child is in the check out line at the grocery store or holding a door open for someone.  

I think the world could use more kindness. Don't you?

Slowing Down

Yesterday and today Sprout has actually taken a reasonable afternoon nap, so I'm getting to post.  I thought about it yesterday, but didn't want to start when I was sure that she would be up in another minute.  Today I'm going to try to seize the opportunity while it's here.  The only problem is that I've got so many half-formed ideas floating around in my head that I'm not sure what to post about.  I feel like I've developed ADD since having children.  I think about something, but then it's interrupted by another though.  Conversations are the same.  (Usually interrupted by a certain almost three-year-old boy who seems to think that shouting "Excuse me, Mama Mommy!" grants him permission to speak, whether or not we were done.  Proper etiquette is a work in progress around here.)  Unless I write things down I'm bound to forget them.  The only problem is that I often forget where I've left my notebook and/or pen.

There's really not a whole lot to update on.  We're gearing up for the holidays.  I think Jen and I have actually finished Christmas (and birthday) shopping for the kids.  Now we just need to take inventory and decide what's being given when.  

There's not much on my wish list this year.  It seems to get shorter every year.  I always have a thousand books I want to read, but considering I'm still making it through the book I started in June it feels silly to ask for another.  Tea and wool are always nice, but I don't really need more.  Some time with the family and with Jen are the things I want most.  I'm hoping that we can convince Jen's parents to watch the kiddos when we're there over Thanksgiving and/or Christmas.  I don't think it will be hard.  

We've been purging baby items.  There have been a number of donations made and I've been listing things on Craigslist and various Facebook groups.  It's a bit of a hassle, but I'm glad to have the space freed up as each swing, bouncer and Boppy makes it's way out of our door.  The extra money certainly doesn't hurt either.  

Winter is coming.  Other than the anxiety of not knowing what next in terms of work, I've actually been enjoying the season passing.  Fall is my favourite, and it's winding down slowly.  The skies are grey and there are big piles of leaves on the ground.  Everyone seems to be staying inside, so my walks with Sprout are quiet.  We chat away to each other about the squirrels and the birds.  She loves to be pushed on the swing until her cheeks are bright red from the cold air.  

I've been enjoying extra cups of tea in the afternoon and am starting to try to make soups in the crockpot on Fridays to last us through our weekend lunches.  (Feel free to share your favourite recipes!)

I need to try to model my thinking after the season and take some time to slow down.  

*I've been bad about taking and posting photos lately too, even though this really is such a beautiful time of the year.  I'm going to try to work on that.  These kids are getting big way too fast.  I want to try to capture them now so that I don't forget.

It's Official

My maternity leave is over.

It's true what they say about maternity leave in Canada being awesome.  To explain it simply, as long as you have paid into EI, you are eligible for maternity and/or parental benefits (52 weeks combined!).

Unless your employer tops up, you probably won't be making as much as when you were working, but still, it's not bad!

The timing of Sprout birth actually ended up being really good for us, because even though I had been let go from my job, I still had enough hours of work from the year leading up to her due date to qualify for benefits.

You can start benefits before your due date, so not knowing whether I might be returning to work before the 52 weeks were up, I opted to start early.  Unfortunately, that also means my benefits have ended before she is a year old.

I got notice of my last mat. leave payment this week.

And not that it wasn't real before, but now the whole "unemployed" thing is really real.  And pretty darn terrifying.

I love being able to be home with Sprout.  I also miss working.  If I hadn't been let go, I would be going back to teaching around now, since your position has to be held for you.  But I was and there's nothing to go back to.  That means I need to find work A.S.A.P.

I've been keeping an eye on job sites for a while now, but not a whole lot has come up.  What has come up I've applied for.  I've even had a few interviews, but nothing has worked out.  I can't keep holding out hope for a full time teaching position.

Today I took the first step towards finding something different.  I called and got put on a substitute list at my old school.  Tomorrow I'll call a few more schools and see about getting put on their lists.  After that I'm not sure.  Maybe it's time to start looking for tutoring gigs.  Or even nannying.  Or maybe working retail --the holiday season is coming up, someone is bound to hire me, right?  I don't know.  It's quite scary.  We can't afford to live on one income, so I need to find something.  Please keep your fingers crossed for us that that something comes up soon.

(Also, a HUGE thank you to the readers who have contacted us about opportunities they've though I might be interested in.  I can't even begin to tell you how appreciated it is.  I'm so glad to be a part of this community.  You guys are the best.)

*Navalgazing* Reflections at 30 Weeks Pregnant

Monday was my midwife appointment.  Everything continues to be fine.  I got back the results from my glucose screening.  They were well below the level where there would be any concern, which I was releived to find out.  Though I've limited myself, I have definitely craved sweets throughout a good bit of this pregnancy and even though I've been told my weight gain is fine, I have found it somewhat concerning to gain so much.  The past two weeks I only went up 1/2 a pound, so maybe it'll slow down for a little while now.  My blood pressure was still nice a low.  The baby's heartrate was about 150bpm and she was lying with her back curved to my left side. 

Monday afternoon I went down to one of the local universities that trains midwives, to volunteer.  They were looking for pregnant women for their second year midwifery students to practice palpations on.  I didn't have other plans for the day and I think it's really important for people to get hands on experience in their field.  When I was doing my teacher training, actually being in the classroom was what I found most valuable, and so I sort of thought of this as a way of giving back.  The students were super excited as this was their first experience working with actual pregnant women (there were four of us).  They took turns feeling for the baby's position, measuring fundal height, and looking for the heartbeat.  I was there for three hours and had about 30-someodd ladies poking at my belly.  It was fine, but by the end of it I was DONE.  I think Sprout was too.  She got pretty fiesty towards the end and kept kicking me on the way home. 

On Tuesday I kept the car so that I could go pick up some used baby clothes.  Back in the summer a lady had listed a bag of her daughter's old clothes for a very reasonable price.  We purchased them and were really happy after bringing them home and taking a closer look through them, so I told her if she wanted to contact us directly in the future, we would buy from her again.  So, I guess they were done with most of their summer stuff and she emailed to let me know she had another bag ready.  It was as great as the first one she gave us.  I'm really, really happy to have her as a contact.  Hopefully she'll continue to stay in touch.  Another friend came by to visit, and even though her daughter is seven, she dug up some little sleepers and outfits she had found from her baby days.  I'd say we're doing quite well! 

My sister and an old friend have also decided they are going to host a welcome baby celebration for us at the beginning of November.  Both Jen and I were reluctant as didn't want a shower, but they were fairly insistant and it will be nice to get together with some family and friends to celebrate this little one's upcoming arrival. 

And now for the belly shot, taken today: 

Notice how my lower back is all archy?  I have to work on that. 

Spend Nothing Month

I was hesitant to post about this earlier, because honestly I didn't know how successful I'd be and I didn't want to embarrass myself.  Anyway, sometime in July I decided that I would try to do a "spend nothing month" in August.  I figured since it'd be my last month with a paycheque for a while, it'd be good way to start being more mindful of my purchases. 

That said, I do not consider myself a big spender.  I don't buy many new clothes for myself, my haircuts are few and far between, I'll occassionally indulge in a tea or treat when out but rarely eat meals out.  The Bean (and now Sprout) are my biggest weaknessess.

I should note that it's these "extras" which I've been trying to not spend on.  Obviously bills still need to be paid, groceries need to be bought, and the car needs to be filled up.  We also had to pull a significant amount from our savings this month to pay for the cat's medical treatment. 

I haven't been entirely successful, but I think I've done okay.  There have definitely been times when I've not spent on something that I normally would have. 

Here is where I've been unsuccessful so far:
-$10 on dinner out when we were just too tired to cook
-$10 donation for a friend's bike ride
-$4 on poutine and a drink while we were on our trip
-$2.50 on Google storage for blog photos

I also cheated a little by using some giftcards to purchase a pair of rainboots ($10) for The Bean, as well as a potty seat ($6) and some wool to make a fellow blogger who is sending some stuff for Sprout a few hats for her little girl. 

I'm hoping that even with a reduced income we'll be able to keep putting a little into savings every month and I that I'm able to finish off this month without spending anything else... and maybe more importanly not indulge too much once the month is over! 

Rejection

I have to say, as far as rejection letters go, this one was really nice.

Dear Allison,

We thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you through the interview process and we appreciated your willingness to come in to teach a lesson for us. Our hiring process is now complete. Given your pregnancy, we have filled the SK position with someone who can commit for the entire school year. However, we encourage you to keep in touch with us here at [our school] as an opportunity may come up again in the future.

Best wishes to you as you finish the school year and with your expanding family!

Warm regards,

[Principal]

I was a little surprised at myself.  I knew that I definitely wouldn't get the job given the fact that I chose to disclose my pregnancy because of long-term/future job potential, but I was still really disappointed to get this letter.

The closer the end of the school year gets, the more anxiety I'm feeling about not having a job lined up for the fall.  I've started to try to figure out EI and maternity benefits and what is going to make the most sense and I'm sure it will all work out (somehow) but I wish, wish, wish this weren't the situation.  :/

Cloth Diaper Week -Cloth Diapering on a Budget

One of the reasons many people seem to choose to cloth diaper is the reduced expense.  That said, I've had many tell me that their impression is that cloth diapering is more expensive than using disposables.   While it's true that it requires an up-front investment, the cost of using cloth drops off dramatically over the two and a half years or so your child is in diapers, not to mention the additional savings you will incur if you are able to use your cloth diapers for future siblings.* 

Many cloth diaper retailers recognize the sticker shock that the initial investment may cause and sell trial packs so you can see what works best for you before committing to any given system only to find out it doesn't work for you and/or your baby. 

Another option that may save you money is to seek out people selling handmade cloth diapers and covers on websites like Etsy.  Heck, if you're crafty you could even try making some yourself!
 
You could also scour websites like Craigslist or your closest Goodwill to find previously-loved cloth diapers.  (This is how we acquired the majority of our diapers.)  If you go this route, I would strongly encourage you to make sure that the diapers you buy haven't been ruined by improper washing.  It is a pain to try to get them back into wearable condition if they've got excessive detergent build up or have been put through the dryer with fabric softener. 

If you're lucky enough know a family that has used cloth for their kiddos, they may be willing to pass along their old diapers to you.  Most of the cloth diapering families I know get very excited at the prospect of someone they know trying it out!  

If saving the earth from 6000+ disposable diapers isn't enough of a reason to give cloth diapering a try, maybe saving money is!  

*If you Google something along the lines of "Cost of Diapering Baby" you'll come up with all sorts of websites comparing the costs, even going so far as to factor in things such as cost of detergent and water usage for cloth diapering your baby.  I won't get into numbers here because I know I won't be able to go into nearly as much detail as what is already available on the internet.

Thrifty Finds

We're back from our trip to see Jen's family. We had a very nice, low-key holiday. We were able to get together with a number of family members and friends while we were away and share our good news with them. Everyone seemed very excited. We had to fight hard with my wife's grandmother to convince her to let us call family members living further away. (In the end we actually compromised, and we called family that we're closer with while she called some of the others.)

So, in some of the baby excitement, we’ve started trying to find some basics. First one of my co-workers who is moving overseas offered us some of his children’s belongings that they weren’t going to be taking with them in the move. Then one of Jen’s ex co-workers who doesn’t plan on having any more children did the same. We also hit up some garage sales both in our hometown and when we went to visit my partner’s parents and did verywell finding essentials like bibs, onesies, sleepers, little outfits at amazing prices.

Items we found here.

Items we found at Jen's parents'.

I also found a bunting snowsuit on Craigslist and some more clothes being given away on a Yahoo! group.

I’m really pleased with what we’ve been able to get at such reasonable prices. (So far we've spent under $50.) I’ve washed and ironed everything we've brought home, and if I do say so myself, it all looks fantastic! Our little Bean is going to be set! Not to mention all the items that were given to us like a BabyBjorn, umbrella stroller, JollyJumper, car seat for when The Bean is older etc. and, items that have been bought for us, including some very cute little onesies an awesome infant car seat from Grandma and Grandpa.

I’d have to say the biggest challenge so far has been trying to find clothing items that are gender-neutral. We won’t be able to find out the sex of the baby for a while yet, but we will once it’s possible. It’s too bad that so much of what’s made for babies seems so gender-specific, but I am still very happy with our finds.

Having a Baby: Priceless

One of the big questions we had when we began this process was how much it was going to cost. We have decent paying jobs and modest savings, but we needed to make some decisions about what we could afford. We didn’t want to go this route, but by way of example, IVF at $10,000+ an attempt would not be an option for us.

Here is a breakdown of the costs we have incurred:

One-time administration fee: $150
Sperm, eight samples (bulk price): $3800
Storage for three years: $675

Personal Profile, three: $20 USD each
Lifetime Photo series (2 photos): $25 USD

Psychiatrist visit (mandatory): $350*

Cycle Monitoring Fee: $40/cycle
Shipping: $105/cycle
IUI fee: $25/insemination

Acupuncture: $75/visit, 2 visits/insemination*

Progesterone: $75, $274.67*, $265.09*

Parking: ~$30/cycle
Home Pregnancy Tests: ~$10 each, 2 tests/insemination

Items that are starred (*) are covered, in part, by the supplemental insurance I have through work. Also, all the costs are not mandatory. We don't have to do cycle monitoring through the clinic, but feel it makes sense to do so. Likewise, the acupuncture is optional, but we've heard it can help and feel it's worthwhile. We don't have to order profiles or photos or take home pregnancy tests, but want to. And so on...

In total, I think after five attempts, it's cost about $8000, about $1500 of which has been reimbursed by supplemental insurance. Of course, with each attempt, the cost increases, but in the end it will all be more than worthwhile.

It reminds me of those MasterCard commercials.

Having a baby: Priceless.