SBL #12 aka Mama and Mommy's Trip To Paris!

This blog entry is going to be a photo-heavy, but PARIS.  I don't think an apology is really necessary. 

I have to admit, I cheated a little bit by including entry #12 on our Summer Bucket List.  This trip has been in the works for at least the past six months.  It's something that we knew for sure would be happening, but still, I felt like too big of a summer event not to include.

There is really so much I could say about this trip.  Paris is somewhere Jen and I have talked about going together before The Bean was even born.  Her 40th birthday is coming up next month, this coupled with having a job this past year that provided enough "extra" money to afford such a trip plus not having gone anywhere since before the kids were born and now having kids old enough to leave for a week meant that this was actually something we could make happen.

Making the effort to do something special with just the two of us also seemed like something that would be good for our relationship. It's very easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day of family life. Spending time on us has taking a backseat to spending time on the family. It was a great opportunity to spend time together, have actual uninterrupted conversations, and just enjoy each other's company. 

Jen's parents agreed to watch the kids while we were gone. I don't think there's anyone else we would have asked or trusted for that amount of time. And even though we have every confidence in their ability to care for our kids, it was still hard. I have never been away from Sprout overnight. She still nurses. And even though he's much more independent, the longest I've been away from The Bean is under 24 hours. I managed to hold things together, but almost broke down when Jen's mom grabbed my shoulders and reassured me that "THEY ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE!" as I warned her about reading labels to make sure foods she was giving The Bean didn't contain dairy.

(For the record, I did tear up when we got back and both kids gave me the biggest and best hugs, proclaiming "I love you, Mama!  I missed you! I'm so happy you're home!" It made missing them all week almost worthwhile in itself.) 

So, we drove down to PA on Friday, returned to Toronto on Saturday and then boarded our flight to gay Paris on Sunday. Quite a whirlwind. After climbing the ninety-one (yes, ninety-one!) stairs leading up to our fifth floor apartment, we stepped out onto the balcony to take in the view. Totally worth it.

We lay pretty low our first day there. After unpacking and a mid-day nap (!) we walked down the street to Notre Dame and for a bit of a neighbourhood exploration.

Tuesday we hit up the Arc de Triomphe. We opted not to walk up the stairs to the top and instead window shopped along the Champs-Elysee before heading over to a park to walk around some more.  

The Pompidou Centre was a stone's throw away from our apartment, and we walked by it most nights.  This piece of graffiti art was pretty awesome.  

After dinner on Tuesday we took a river cruise along the Seine.  It was beautiful, but too dark to capture most of the landmarks we passed.  

The next day we went to see the Eiffel Tower up-close. We walked through the Trocadaro Gardens, then up to La Tour Eiffel. After waiting in the line for the elevator for a ridiculously long time, with an even ridiculously longer wait ahead of us, we decided to take the stairs. After a much shorter wait we were headed up to the first level. We rewarded ourselves with gelato at the top. We walked through Champ de Mars on our way home.

That evening we walked up Rue de Rivoli to the Louvre. We didn't go in, but walked around the outside and watched the sun set as we headed towards the Tuileries to enjoy a bottle of wine. From the gardens we noticed that the Ferris Wheel wasn't so far away and decided to walk over. Turns out there was a whole fair set up, so walked through stopping at the fun house (Jen's choice) and for a crepe (my choice).  

Thursday, before heading towards the Opera House, we searched out the flower market. The market itself was a bit of a bust in that it was more houseplants than the beautiful cut flowers I had been envisioning, but it was nice walking along the Seine just the same. 

The Palais Garnier was probably the most surprising highlight of the trip. Jen, who loves The Phantom of the Opera, really wanted to see it. We did an iPad guided tour that was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it to anyone travelling to Paris!

We then headed over to Sacre Coeur. After climbing the steps and deciding that the motto "City of Lights" should be changed to "City of Stairs" we enjoyed the spectacular view. Afterwards we roamed the streets of Montmartre before finding a Metro station and heading back to the apartment.

Friday was our art gallery day. I love impressionism and post-impressionism, so the D'Orsay was an easy choice. The gallery itself was gorgeous and there was just enough of the art that we were most interested in seeing to make it not so overwhelming yet still worthwhile. We actually left and then went back in because I realized we had missed all of the Toulouse-Lautrecs. 

After that we headed back towards "home" and the Picasso Museum. This, sadly, was one of the biggest disappointments of the trip. I adore Picasso's early works (particularly his rose period) and was really looking forward to seeing it. There was ONE painting from this period in the gallery. And one from his blue period, the next group of his works I was the most interested in seeing. I did find this gem, which made me think of our kiddos and smile, but miss them.

Saturday, our last day in Paris, was reserved for Versailles.  We took the RER out of the city and found the palace without any issue at all. It'd be pretty hard to miss. Opulent is the word that comes to mind when thinking of Versaille. The size! The furniture! The art! The gardens! It really is something to see!  Unfortunately the insanely large crowds made touring the actual palace quite unenjoyable and we ended up leaving before going through the whole thing.

Our last evening in Paris we went out for a nice dinner in Marais and were treated to the most beautiful sunset from our balcony after arriving back home. The last photo I took was inadvertently almost identical to the first photo I took. 

We started dreaming about our next trip before this one was even over...

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UPDATED: The Two Moms to Be Summer Bucket List for 2015

1. Check out new parks and go back to old favourites.

2. Swim in Lake Ontario. 

3. Visit animals at the zoo.

4. Spend time in nature. Look for new "nature spots" in the city.

5. Donate books to the book bank.

6. Smell flowers at botanical gardens.

7. Go to the Toronto Islands.

8. Make popsicles.

9. Meet up with local bloggers.

10. Paint rocks that we find at the beach.

11. Go to a fair.  

12. Take a moms-only trip. 

13. Eat things that we have grown and/or picked ourselves.

My Love, She Keeps Me Warm

Yesterday Jen and I celebrated our thirteenth anniversary as a couple, and our eighth year of being married.

Jen is the only person I have ever been in love with.  Saying that I cannot imagine my life without her does not come close to describing how much she is a part of who I am.

I was young when we met (so was she).  We have been through a lot together, both lovely and difficult.  We do well together.  We both strive for calm and peace.  Our differences complement each other, rather than cause conflict.  I know that I have her unfailing love and support, and she has mine.

Having children has shifted our relationship.  We don't have as much time for us as a couple as we once did, and I miss that, but I'm also so immensely grateful for the opportunity to parent with her.  She is selfless and loving and patient and generous and silly and thoughtful.  All the qualities that I admire in her are at the forefront when she is with our children.

Last night we went out to celebrate.  A low-key event at a nearby restaurant.  Food and drinks and conversation without interruption.  Not anything terribly novel, but a nice evening nonetheless.  A nice way to acknowledge our thirteen years together and to start into the next one.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Six Months Postpartum

Just this morning I (finally) completed an evaluation sent out by our midwifery clinic.  They sent it over two months ago.  Anyway, going through that had me think that alongside the six month update on Sprout, I could do a little update on how I'm doing six months after her birth.

I am still processing.  When I got the midwifery clinic's evaluation back in April there were sections I just couldn't complete.  It was too hard to deal with all the emotions surrounding my feelings about the care I was provided with.  All along I said that I wanted a vaginal birth, but that the most important thing to me was that both the baby and I were healthy following delivery, and if that meant a Cesarean, so be it.  Looking back I should have emphasized my preference for a vaginal birth more than I did.  Maybe I would have been encouraged to labour just a little bit longer.  Maybe there are things I could have done to help encourage dilation.  Whenever I think about the labour and birth I end up thinking, "What if...?"

That said, overall I feel like I'm doing much better emotionally than I was a few months ago.  After pushing it back twice, I had my initial appointment with a psychiatrist last Friday.  I have another intake appointment in July and from there will likely be referred to another psychiatrist for counselling.  I hope to get some strategies for dealing with the anxiety I've been experiencing.  Aside from that I find it reassuring to know that there is someone who will just listen.  At this point I would say the anxiety is more of a concern for me than the depression.  As I said to the psychiatrist, I know a lot of what I'm feeling is completely irrational, but I can't help it.  

Jen and I are doing well, but have yet to carve out much time for "us."  I miss her.  It seems most of our time together is spent dealing with family and household responsibilities.  I know it's temporary and I'm not worried about it, but I am looking forward to achieving a better balance over the next few months.

I also miss The Bean.  He is such a good big brother and I really couldn't be happier with how he's handling this new role.  I try to make sure that I spend time talking to him and playing with him, but there's been a huge shift.  Bedtime is where I find it the most noticeable as I'm often preoccupied nursing and putting Sprout down for bed at the same time as he's going through his bath and bedtime routine.  I'm pretty sure he feels it too as I can often hear him asking Jen "Where's Mama?"    

I am enjoying Sprout.  Maybe that sounds silly, but with the depression and anxiety I feel like it's important to say.  It's hard on days like yesterday where she needs me to rock her for over an hour before she sleeps.  I get tired and frustrated.  But fortunately those days are few and far between and when they do come up Jen is a great partner in helping to deal with them.  Even on the hard days she makes me smile though.  A lot.

The scar from my Cesarean healing well.  It fades from reddish-purple to skin tone and has no keloids.  It   does still hurt, especially when pressure is put on it.  I also think I'm experiencing some intermittent pain from when the catheter was initially placed poorly.  I have a specialist appointment for that as my GP couldn't see anything wrong, but it's not until September.

I am a little below my pre-pregnancy weight.  I can't really take any credit, because I haven't done anything; I think the combination of breastfeeding and the running around that goes with having two kids, a needy cat, and a household to take care of was all I needed to get back here.  Mostly I'm just happy that my old clothes fit.  My shape, however is pretty different.  My bum is gone.  My arms are thinner.  My breasts are bigger.  My tummy softer.  I am pleased that I was able to lose the "baby weight", but am neither particularly pleased or displeased with my appearance in general.

Now that my course is over I feel like I finally have some time for myself.  It feels like a complete luxury to be able to write a real blog post (this one) or listen to a podcast (This American Life) or pick up a book (And the Mountains Echoed) or listen to a new band (Seer Group).  Playing with the manual setting on my camera, crocheting and cooking are next on the to-do-and-enjoy list.

Sorry for the beast of a post. I'll reward you with some baby photos for making it to the end. ;)