Monday, January 7, 2013

Update, Recovery and Reflection

I find it somewhat shocking to look at the calendar and see that our lovely little girl is already two weeks old.  These two weeks have gone quickly.  Of course, the first several days were spent in the hospital.  I remember remarking to Jen on the second (or third) day we were there in recovery, that it was like the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day.  The same thing everyday.  Easy to lose track of time.  

It's been busy since we got home, but it is so good to be here!  The Bean has been his usual busy toddler self.  We're seeing him push the limits a little bit more.  Demand a little more attention.  But also be SO loving to us and to Sprout.  The other day we were all in bed and he kept giving her big kisses on her head.  It was so, so sweet.  The kind of moment I hoped for when we found out we were expecting again.  

I think it's good for all of us to be back on a more regular schedule with daycare now that the holidays are over.  It give The Bean the routine that he seems to do so well with.  It also gives Jen and I time to soak up all the newborn goodness, without worrying that we aren't being attentive enough to his needs.  Plus now we (Jen) can do laundry and clean and make meals and whatnot much more easily.  We were lucky that her parents stayed with us through the 30th and helped out IMMENSELY with The Bean and the apartment and everything else.  They're also coming back for a week on the 16th when Jen has to start back to work.  I'm sure we'll be fine, but I don't look forward to Jen being back at work and me being here on my own once they return to PA.  

Sprout is already seeming more like an infant and less like a newborn.  She has periods where she is quietly alert and just seems to look around.  We talk to her.  Sometimes we sing to her.  Her first album was R.E.M.'s Automatic For the People and Jen and I sang her songs --Man on the Moon and Nightswimming.  It is one of my many favourite moments from the past few weeks.  

Her face is becoming less squishy, and more her face.  She is lovely.  Her hair, which I initially thought was a very dark brown, seems lighter now that it's been washed and fluffed up a bit.  I think it will be light brown. Her eye colour has yet to be determined.  Both the donor and I have light eyes, so I'm kind of hoping that they are light, though brown eyes would also be quite pretty. She definitely bears some resemblance to my brother as a baby and even a bit to my sister's son, though we think she has the same under eye/cheeks as The Bean and the donor.  She is round and pink.  

I'm doing fairly well.  I took the tape of my incision on Day 10, and it seems to be healing nicely.  I'm still quite sore, particularly on the right side, and have to be careful of the way I move and lift things (nothing heavier than the baby).  I'm finding it hard not to be able to do things, both mentally and physically.  I am very glad for the progress I've made so far though.  In the hospital I could barely walk a circle around the ward.  Though I haven't been out of the apartment yet, at least I can move around with relative ease now.  And use the toilet, and shower, and dress myself, and all sorts of other small actions that I used to take for granted.  

Breastfeeding, thankfully, also seems to be going well.  The first few days were painful, but my milk came in and the latching issues seem to have resolved, so now things are pretty good.  I feel like I may still have a little too much milk, but I'm sure that will regulate as Sprout moves towards a more regular nursing schedule.  Right now she feeds on demand, about every 2-3 hours or so, for anywhere from 5-20 minutes.  She gets quite drowsy when nursing, but as long as I can bother her enough that she stays awake, she'll fill herself up.  

I'm still processing the birth.  Ultimately I got what I wanted --a birth where we were both safe and healthy in the end.  It was not what hoped for, or even what I expected though.  I don't understand why I never progressed beyond 3cm, and it doesn't seem to be a question that anyone can answer.  I am disappointed that I wasn't able to have a vaginal birth.  The opportunity won't come again.  I do feel that I tried though and that we made the right decisions without being pressured into doing something we didn't want to do by either midwifes or OBs.  But still, I wanted the experience.  One of the most amazing moments in my life was watching The Bean be born.  Jen didn't get that with Sprout.  She didn't get to cut the cord.  She did get to hold her right away though, so I guess there's some comfort.  It makes me kind of sad to think about, though I am so, so happy to have our beautiful and healthy daughter here with us now.  

Anyway, I would have posted a few photos, but right now there is a sweet baby snoring on my chest and I am also ready for a snooze.  I'll try to update again later in the week.  


  1. Awww sounds like you're well and truly in the 'baby moon' part of things. How lovely :)

    Enjoy! It just gets better!

  2. Although I have yet to finish my birth story (sigh), yours and my births sound very similar. I never progressed beyond about 4-5cm, and in my case, it was because his head was positioned in such a way that the wrong part of his head was pushing on my cervix (he was a forehead presentation) and the doctors all said there was no way he was coming out without a c section. Did they say anything to you about how she was positioned when they pulled her out?

    In any case, I know it's hard to be disappointed with your birth experience, especially when there's no chance for a re-do. I hope you can process it more to the point where you feel comfortable with it, and in the meantime, just keep cuddling that baby girl (and the Bean!). =)

  3. You sound really happy. So glad everyone is adjusting so well to being a family of four. And very glad to hear breastfeeding is going well. It can be so hard so it's nice that you're not having any problems.

  4. So happy for you guys. congrats!

  5. Good to hear you are feeling better and that breastfeeding is going so well. It really does sound like you are in a lovely baby moon place right now ;)

    I hear ya on still processing birth. Me too.

  6. I know it can be hard when a birth doesnt go the way you had planned. Yes there was a healthy mom and babe at the end which is the most important, but it is also okay to grieve the experience that you lost. I can't wait to see pictures, and am so glad you all are settling into being a family of four.

  7. I can relate in terms of processing your cesarean and feeling that bittersweet sadness where you're both so overcome at your child's arrival and disappointed/sad about the particulars of the arrival. I still have hard days trying to figure out why my body didn't function in that biological takes a long time to heal and process.

  8. Little Monster just turned 3 and we are STILL processing the yes, I understand completely there. Glad you are recovering well and that the Bean is taking to big brotherhood like a pro :)

  9. I also can relate to the disappointment you're feeling. My baby came 5 weeks early and I didn't get the natural childbirth that I had planned. I was within minutes of a cesarian, myself.

    You're so very lucky that the breastfeeding is going well. That was another thing that I had to grieve.

    She's just so very beautiful and I'm glad that you're soaking in all the infant goodness!