Saturday, January 19, 2013

Accepting Help

So, Sprout is now nearly for weeks old and Jen started back to this past Wednesday and you'd think we'd be starting to get an idea of what things are going to look like for the next few months, only we're not because Jen's (amazing) parents are back in town to help us with this transition.  

This is a good thing.  In fact, it's a great thing.  The issue is that I'm a fairly self-reliant person and I'm finding accepting their help, as well as help from others, has been really hard for me to do.   
I know Jen struggled similarly when she was pregnant.  At the time her job involved a physical component, and though she was adament about not doing any heavy lifting, she found it difficult to ask her co-workers to help when she needed to move things around.   

Back to the present, I know there are certain things I am not supposed to be doing.  Like lifting anything heavier than our now 10lb 4oz baby.  (BTW Can you believe how big she is?!)  So, I'm am very much okay with someone taking the laundry downstairs for me.  I have slightly more difficulty with the thought of them actually doing the laundry.  And a lot of difficulty with them doing things like Swiffering the floors or dusting.  You know, the things that I could definitely manage on my own, albeit perhaps at more spaced out intervals than we might have held to pre-Sprout.  I know that's why Jen's parents are here right now, but I feel guilty sitting on the couch updating the blog while they clean our apartment.  I also want to try to start getting used to managing things on my own, which is kind of hard when someone is insisting on doing everything for you.  Please understand that I'm not complaining about having help, I'm just saying it's hard to accept it.  I realize how very, very lucky we are.  

We've also been incredibly spoiled with people bringing food for us when they come to visit.  Ashleigh from from 2moms2dogs2babies, who also happens to be a nutritionist, stopped by one day with a delicious quinoa salad, homemade granola and organic yogurt, then, less than a week later when she came to visit brought yummy baked goods from a bakery near her place as well as homemade pasta sauce and brown rice pasta (since she knows Jen tries to stay away from wheat).  I think my comment when she showed up with all this stuff was, "You're crazy!" (She has toddler twins and is spending time making us food!)  Of course, I was extremely grateful (and should have said "Thank you" rather than "You're crazy") but felt guilty that she had gone out of her way to provide us with such yummy and nutritious food.  

I guess I have to get better about accepting help and showing how thankful I am for it.  There are others out there who've felt the same way though, right?


  1. I am the same way. When I was pregnant, my mom spent hours scurbbing down our bathroom and I was mad, mostly because I was embarrased and too preggie to do it myself. I have a really hard time accepting help in any situation. -s

  2. I've had a similar issue in the pregnancy and can imagine it will roll over into motherhood too. Just remember that you'll get LOTS of practise doing things on your own when Jen's parents leave and visitors stop coming by with things, so try to relax and enjoy being spoiled for this short amount of time. Your job is to "spoil" Sprout. I know... harder to do than to say/hear. Good luck.

  3. Honestly, when our boys were born, I kind of wanted everyone to go away. It sounds terrible but I felt like we needed to find our groove on our own and we couldn't do that with people there all the time. I think if I could do it again, I'd be more appreciative. I still have a hard time accepting help from family sometimes.

    I do remember feeling very grateful when Stacey and Angele came to meet Ian and Angele cleaned the kitchen for us. Guilty but grateful.

    That was so nice of Ashleigh. Sounds delicious!

  4. First off, no guilt over the food! I love cooking so it was no trouble :) I remember how tough it was to just eat during those early days (let alone cook for myself!).

    On the other hand, I can 100% relate to how you're feeling re: accepting help. I'll never forget receiving a stern lecture from my midwife when the girls were about a week old. She told me that if I didn't rest and let others help me out, the healing process would take months. What goes around comes around :) You're so fortunate to have Jen's parents here right now - they're obviously more than happy to do it so focus on yourself and that adorable little girl right now!

  5. Try to remember that it feels good to help others. And they wouldn't be doing it if they didn't truly and honestly want to. Plus it gives everyone coming by to help a nice little peek at that girl of yours!

  6. I'm so sorry I haven't been a more faithful commenter. I really need to try though because I always enjoy your posts and LOVE the photos. You honestly have the most beautiful children! These days I tend to read blogs in "batches" and usually have a lot of catching up to do. But really, I think that independent women (like you, me and many of your readers) feel the same sense of dread in having to rely upon others to do what we want to do for ourselves. I felt that way 8 months pregnant with twins! Now that I'm on the other side of things, I realize that most people are happy to help out and feel great to simply hear a heart-felt "thanks." And some people even LIKE to be relied upon. I think it's awesome you have help from people you are happy to have in your home - it's not always that way!