Yesterday my mother's brother died.
It wasn't totally unexpected. He had cancer and had actually just gone in to start a new and aggressive experimental treatment. From what my mom had explained, they either expected it to kill him or to help him recover almost completely.
And while I'm sorry for her loss, especially as he was her only sibling and last surviving family member, I do not have any strong emotions either way regarding his death. Nearly fifteen years ago, when Jen and I started dating, he made his (disapproving, to say the least) opinions clear. I believe it was just after we got married that he disowned me. Other than a very brief exchange at my sister's wedding, I have had no interaction with him since that time.
This place of not feeling affected by a family member's (I use that term loosely) death, is odd. I can see that people expect me to be sad. To be grieving. But I feel like I lost my uncle a long time ago. We were never particularly close to begin with, and any mourning period I went through has been over for a long, long time.
So far there has been no news of funeral arrangements. I am actually hoping that my mom doesn't even tell me about them. While I feel emotionless about his death, I think I would be repulsed by his funeral. He was in the military, and I'm sure whoever gives the eulogy will say something about what a wonderful, brave, courageous, honourable person he was. If that is the case I would have a hard time biting my tongue and not saying anything about how prejudice and hateful he was. Nobody needs to feel that or hear that someone feels like that at a funeral. Hopefully my mom understands.