Here's our first baby picture:
Thursday, July 15, 2010
First Baby Picture
We went in this morning for some (optional but routine) genetic screening. As a result we got to watch The Bean move all around for about half an hour while the ultrasound tech took various measurements and screencaps/photos. It was so amazing! I could not stop smiling. In fact, I'm smiling just thinking about it. The Bean was not too co-operative in terms of positioning in such a way that the tech could get good measurements, but I think that meant we got to watch for longer, so I was okay with it! Maybe my favourite part was when The Bean appeared to be sucking on his/her toe. Too cute!
Here's our first baby picture:
Here's our first baby picture:
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Interesting Article: Are Father's Necessary?
My father-in-law passed along his copy of The Atlantic to us because he thought we'd find the cover story interesting. This one section, in particular, stood out to me:
On average, lesbian parents spend more time with their children than fathers do. They rate disputes with their children as less frequent than do hetero couples, and describe co-parenting more compatibly and with greater satisfaction. Their kids perceive their parents to be more available and dependable than do the children of heteros. They also discuss more emotional issues with their parents. They have fewer behavioral problems, and show more interest in and try harder at school.
According to Stacey and Biblarz, "Two women who chose to become parents together seemed to provide a double dose of a middle-class 'feminine' approach to parenting.” And, they conclude, “based strictly on the published science, one could argue that two women parent better on average than a woman and a man, or at least than a woman and man with a traditional division of family labor.”
-From The Atlantic, July/August 2010
Are Father's Necessary? by Pamela Paul
I find the first part of the article encouraging. As for the second part, Jen and I have often discussed how glad we are that we're able to avoid traditional gender expectations, particularly around household division of labour. For the most part we take turns doing different tasks, depending on how each of us is feeling that day. I imagine it will be much the same once we have a child. Anyway, I just found it interesting and thought I would share.
On average, lesbian parents spend more time with their children than fathers do. They rate disputes with their children as less frequent than do hetero couples, and describe co-parenting more compatibly and with greater satisfaction. Their kids perceive their parents to be more available and dependable than do the children of heteros. They also discuss more emotional issues with their parents. They have fewer behavioral problems, and show more interest in and try harder at school.
According to Stacey and Biblarz, "Two women who chose to become parents together seemed to provide a double dose of a middle-class 'feminine' approach to parenting.” And, they conclude, “based strictly on the published science, one could argue that two women parent better on average than a woman and a man, or at least than a woman and man with a traditional division of family labor.”
-From The Atlantic, July/August 2010
Are Father's Necessary? by Pamela Paul
I find the first part of the article encouraging. As for the second part, Jen and I have often discussed how glad we are that we're able to avoid traditional gender expectations, particularly around household division of labour. For the most part we take turns doing different tasks, depending on how each of us is feeling that day. I imagine it will be much the same once we have a child. Anyway, I just found it interesting and thought I would share.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thrifty Finds
We're back from our trip to see Jen's family. We had a very nice, low-key holiday. We were able to get together with a number of family members and friends while we were away and share our good news with them. Everyone seemed very excited. We had to fight hard with my wife's grandmother to convince her to let us call family members living further away. (In the end we actually compromised, and we called family that we're closer with while she called some of the others.)
So, in some of the baby excitement, we’ve started trying to find some basics. First one of my co-workers who is moving overseas offered us some of his children’s belongings that they weren’t going to be taking with them in the move. Then one of Jen’s ex co-workers who doesn’t plan on having any more children did the same. We also hit up some garage sales both in our hometown and when we went to visit my partner’s parents and did verywell finding essentials like bibs, onesies, sleepers, little outfits at amazing prices.
I also found a bunting snowsuit on Craigslist and some more clothes being given away on a Yahoo! group.
I’m really pleased with what we’ve been able to get at such reasonable prices. (So far we've spent under $50.) I’ve washed and ironed everything we've brought home, and if I do say so myself, it all looks fantastic! Our little Bean is going to be set! Not to mention all the items that were given to us like a BabyBjorn, umbrella stroller, JollyJumper, car seat for when The Bean is older etc. and, items that have been bought for us, including some very cute little onesies an awesome infant car seat from Grandma and Grandpa.
I’d have to say the biggest challenge so far has been trying to find clothing items that are gender-neutral. We won’t be able to find out the sex of the baby for a while yet, but we will once it’s possible. It’s too bad that so much of what’s made for babies seems so gender-specific, but I am still very happy with our finds.
So, in some of the baby excitement, we’ve started trying to find some basics. First one of my co-workers who is moving overseas offered us some of his children’s belongings that they weren’t going to be taking with them in the move. Then one of Jen’s ex co-workers who doesn’t plan on having any more children did the same. We also hit up some garage sales both in our hometown and when we went to visit my partner’s parents and did verywell finding essentials like bibs, onesies, sleepers, little outfits at amazing prices.
 |
| Items we found here. |
 |
| Items we found at Jen's parents'. |
I also found a bunting snowsuit on Craigslist and some more clothes being given away on a Yahoo! group.
I’m really pleased with what we’ve been able to get at such reasonable prices. (So far we've spent under $50.) I’ve washed and ironed everything we've brought home, and if I do say so myself, it all looks fantastic! Our little Bean is going to be set! Not to mention all the items that were given to us like a BabyBjorn, umbrella stroller, JollyJumper, car seat for when The Bean is older etc. and, items that have been bought for us, including some very cute little onesies an awesome infant car seat from Grandma and Grandpa.
I’d have to say the biggest challenge so far has been trying to find clothing items that are gender-neutral. We won’t be able to find out the sex of the baby for a while yet, but we will once it’s possible. It’s too bad that so much of what’s made for babies seems so gender-specific, but I am still very happy with our finds.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
First Ultrasound
Just over a week ago, on June 4th, we had our first ultrasound at the fertility clinic.
The ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy. An ultrasound tech was in the room with us, and afterwards one of the clinic's doctors met with us to discuss the results. It was a little bit difficult trying to figure out what everything was on the ultrasound. I knew I wasn't really supposed to, but I did ask the tech a few questions. I could tell where the embryo was and, when the view was correct, I could see the heartbeat. (I confirmed with the tech that that's what I was seeing.) Seeing the heartbeat made me tear up a little bit. I felt a little bit bad that Jen wasn't able to see it at the same time as me, but later on the ultrasound tech moved the screen so that she could see too. The tech didn't print an image for us. She seemed to think we'd be back soon-ish and that a picture of what we saw that day wouldn't really be as interesting as one from a few weeks down the line.
The doctor told us that the ultrasound indicated a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. The embryo is implanted in a good place (i.e. it is not an ectopic pregnancy). The heartrate was supposed to be over 110bpm, and was 140. And the size, 1.17cm, indicated that the embryo was 7w2d old. (A little different from our other calculations, but for now, we am sticking with our original age and due date predictions, just for simplicity's sake.) The doctor said that since everything looked good he was okay with not seeing us again, but that if we wanted to we could always book another ultrasound or appointment. We have our first appointment with our midwife at the end of June, so decided we wouldn't make any other appointments at the clinic unless we became concerned about something and wanted to come in to make sure everything was okay.
Since the ultrasound we have told many more people about the pregnancy.
Before the people who knew were:
-my in-laws
-my twin sister
-my best friend (who was visiting us when we took the positive home test)
-our friend, who we had considered as a donor
-Jen's old co-worker/close friend
-one of my co-workers, and later my boss
-two of Jen's co-workers, and later her boss and his wife
-some friends and the owner of the martial arts gym where Jen instructs and I train
(Goodness! That seems like a lot of people!)
Now we've told:
-my mom, dad, brother, Nana, and two cousins
-the rest of my co-workers
We will tell the rest of Jen's family when we go down to visit them at the end of the month. Following that we'll probably tell everyone. We should be at about 12 weeks by then, which seems like a good time to start sharing the news with anyone who doesn't already know.
The past few weeks we've been spending a good bit of time looking through "The Pregnancy Bible", which we bought around the time we started trying to conceive, and "The Pregnancy Journal" which Jen's old co-worker sent to us when she found out we were pregnant. We've also signed up for weekly email updates from babycentre.ca that show what's happening each week. All three have been great resources.
Oh, and finally, we've started calling our baby "The Bean", or just "Bean" for short.
We're feeling pretty good around here. (Minus Jen's constantly queasy stomach, but I'll save talking about that for another time, perhaps.)
The ultrasound confirmed the pregnancy. An ultrasound tech was in the room with us, and afterwards one of the clinic's doctors met with us to discuss the results. It was a little bit difficult trying to figure out what everything was on the ultrasound. I knew I wasn't really supposed to, but I did ask the tech a few questions. I could tell where the embryo was and, when the view was correct, I could see the heartbeat. (I confirmed with the tech that that's what I was seeing.) Seeing the heartbeat made me tear up a little bit. I felt a little bit bad that Jen wasn't able to see it at the same time as me, but later on the ultrasound tech moved the screen so that she could see too. The tech didn't print an image for us. She seemed to think we'd be back soon-ish and that a picture of what we saw that day wouldn't really be as interesting as one from a few weeks down the line.
The doctor told us that the ultrasound indicated a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. The embryo is implanted in a good place (i.e. it is not an ectopic pregnancy). The heartrate was supposed to be over 110bpm, and was 140. And the size, 1.17cm, indicated that the embryo was 7w2d old. (A little different from our other calculations, but for now, we am sticking with our original age and due date predictions, just for simplicity's sake.) The doctor said that since everything looked good he was okay with not seeing us again, but that if we wanted to we could always book another ultrasound or appointment. We have our first appointment with our midwife at the end of June, so decided we wouldn't make any other appointments at the clinic unless we became concerned about something and wanted to come in to make sure everything was okay.
Since the ultrasound we have told many more people about the pregnancy.
Before the people who knew were:
-my in-laws
-my twin sister
-my best friend (who was visiting us when we took the positive home test)
-our friend, who we had considered as a donor
-Jen's old co-worker/close friend
-one of my co-workers, and later my boss
-two of Jen's co-workers, and later her boss and his wife
-some friends and the owner of the martial arts gym where Jen instructs and I train
(Goodness! That seems like a lot of people!)
Now we've told:
-my mom, dad, brother, Nana, and two cousins
-the rest of my co-workers
We will tell the rest of Jen's family when we go down to visit them at the end of the month. Following that we'll probably tell everyone. We should be at about 12 weeks by then, which seems like a good time to start sharing the news with anyone who doesn't already know.
The past few weeks we've been spending a good bit of time looking through "The Pregnancy Bible", which we bought around the time we started trying to conceive, and "The Pregnancy Journal" which Jen's old co-worker sent to us when she found out we were pregnant. We've also signed up for weekly email updates from babycentre.ca that show what's happening each week. All three have been great resources.
Oh, and finally, we've started calling our baby "The Bean", or just "Bean" for short.
We're feeling pretty good around here. (Minus Jen's constantly queasy stomach, but I'll save talking about that for another time, perhaps.)
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Good News***
It feels like I've been waiting AGES to post this... I decided I'd make myself wait until six weeks, just to be on the safe(r) side. We're pregnant! Words cannot describe how happy I am. Of course, there's also a good bit of anxiety mixed in there too. I think/hope that after tweleve weeks that will start to fade a bit.
Here's "The Story". I wrote it about two weeks ago, after the clinic and our GP had confirmed things.
As we walked into the building, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that this time it was going to work. I bit my tongue. I didn’t want Jen to feel any added pressure. Just as I was thinking all this out in my mind, she turned to me and said, “I think this time it’s going to work.” I looked at her and told her, “Me too.”
Friday, ten days after the insemination, Jen took a home pregnancy test. She didn’t even tell me until the next day. It had come out negative.
Sunday was Mother’s Day. We drove out of the city to take my mom out for lunch. When we got back there was a message from our good friend, who we had considered using as a donor, on the machine.
Here's a transcription of his message:
“Hey you two, this is [your friend] calling, it’s ah, quarter after nine here, Sunday morning. I had a vision this week. I had a very clear vision that you all are going to have a baby very soon. If you’re not preggers already, don’t worry, it’s going to happen very soon. It came to me like the wind. It just blew through my bones as I was walking down the street. So, just hang in there. It’s all going to happen. It’s been confirmed! The angels have spoken! I am the messenger. Oh lordy, I need to have a cup of coffee... wake myself up here. Anyways, I have some clients coming soon, I had a half hour here, or forty five minutes actually, I thought I’d try and catch up with you guys. So hope you’re having a great day, and we’ll talk soon. Alright, take care. Bye bye”
Monday morning I got up and started getting ready. Jen followed me into the bathroom. She had another test with her. We both watched for the results. A horizontal blue line showed up. Not surprised, I went into the kitchen to make my tea. Moments later, she came out of the bathroom holding the pregnancy test. Her eyes were wide as she brought it over to me. “It’s faint, but there’s another line! I think I’m pregnant!” I looked, she was right, there was another line, blue and vertical. Faint, but distinctly there. I hugged her. She was pregnant!
Tuesday she went back to the clinic for the follow-up blood work. Our expectations from the day before were confirmed.
Our doctor told us that she is four week pregnant. Our baby is due January 21st, 2011.
Here's "The Story". I wrote it about two weeks ago, after the clinic and our GP had confirmed things.
As we walked into the building, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that this time it was going to work. I bit my tongue. I didn’t want Jen to feel any added pressure. Just as I was thinking all this out in my mind, she turned to me and said, “I think this time it’s going to work.” I looked at her and told her, “Me too.”
Friday, ten days after the insemination, Jen took a home pregnancy test. She didn’t even tell me until the next day. It had come out negative.
Sunday was Mother’s Day. We drove out of the city to take my mom out for lunch. When we got back there was a message from our good friend, who we had considered using as a donor, on the machine.
Here's a transcription of his message:
“Hey you two, this is [your friend] calling, it’s ah, quarter after nine here, Sunday morning. I had a vision this week. I had a very clear vision that you all are going to have a baby very soon. If you’re not preggers already, don’t worry, it’s going to happen very soon. It came to me like the wind. It just blew through my bones as I was walking down the street. So, just hang in there. It’s all going to happen. It’s been confirmed! The angels have spoken! I am the messenger. Oh lordy, I need to have a cup of coffee... wake myself up here. Anyways, I have some clients coming soon, I had a half hour here, or forty five minutes actually, I thought I’d try and catch up with you guys. So hope you’re having a great day, and we’ll talk soon. Alright, take care. Bye bye”
Monday morning I got up and started getting ready. Jen followed me into the bathroom. She had another test with her. We both watched for the results. A horizontal blue line showed up. Not surprised, I went into the kitchen to make my tea. Moments later, she came out of the bathroom holding the pregnancy test. Her eyes were wide as she brought it over to me. “It’s faint, but there’s another line! I think I’m pregnant!” I looked, she was right, there was another line, blue and vertical. Faint, but distinctly there. I hugged her. She was pregnant!
Tuesday she went back to the clinic for the follow-up blood work. Our expectations from the day before were confirmed.
Our doctor told us that she is four week pregnant. Our baby is due January 21st, 2011.
PHOTO
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Having a Baby: Priceless
One of the big questions we had when we began this process was how much it was going to cost. We have decent paying jobs and modest savings, but we needed to make some decisions about what we could afford. We didn’t want to go this route, but by way of example, IVF at $10,000+ an attempt would not be an option for us.
Here is a breakdown of the costs we have incurred:
One-time administration fee: $150
Sperm, eight samples (bulk price): $3800
Storage for three years: $675
Personal Profile, three: $20 USD each
Lifetime Photo series (2 photos): $25 USD
Psychiatrist visit (mandatory): $350*
Cycle Monitoring Fee: $40/cycle
Shipping: $105/cycle
IUI fee: $25/insemination
Acupuncture: $75/visit, 2 visits/insemination*
Progesterone: $75, $274.67*, $265.09*
Parking: ~$30/cycle
Home Pregnancy Tests: ~$10 each, 2 tests/insemination
Items that are starred (*) are covered, in part, by the supplemental insurance I have through work. Also, all the costs are not mandatory. We don't have to do cycle monitoring through the clinic, but feel it makes sense to do so. Likewise, the acupuncture is optional, but we've heard it can help and feel it's worthwhile. We don't have to order profiles or photos or take home pregnancy tests, but want to. And so on...
In total, I think after five attempts, it's cost about $8000, about $1500 of which has been reimbursed by supplemental insurance. Of course, with each attempt, the cost increases, but in the end it will all be more than worthwhile.
It reminds me of those MasterCard commercials.
Having a baby: Priceless.
Here is a breakdown of the costs we have incurred:
One-time administration fee: $150
Sperm, eight samples (bulk price): $3800
Storage for three years: $675
Personal Profile, three: $20 USD each
Lifetime Photo series (2 photos): $25 USD
Psychiatrist visit (mandatory): $350*
Cycle Monitoring Fee: $40/cycle
Shipping: $105/cycle
IUI fee: $25/insemination
Acupuncture: $75/visit, 2 visits/insemination*
Progesterone: $75, $274.67*, $265.09*
Parking: ~$30/cycle
Home Pregnancy Tests: ~$10 each, 2 tests/insemination
Items that are starred (*) are covered, in part, by the supplemental insurance I have through work. Also, all the costs are not mandatory. We don't have to do cycle monitoring through the clinic, but feel it makes sense to do so. Likewise, the acupuncture is optional, but we've heard it can help and feel it's worthwhile. We don't have to order profiles or photos or take home pregnancy tests, but want to. And so on...
In total, I think after five attempts, it's cost about $8000, about $1500 of which has been reimbursed by supplemental insurance. Of course, with each attempt, the cost increases, but in the end it will all be more than worthwhile.
It reminds me of those MasterCard commercials.
Having a baby: Priceless.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Three Months?!
Oh my! I cannot believe it's been nearly three months since I last updated. I've thought about updating often, but I guess there have been a few things holding me back. #1. Time. #2. What to write about. #3. I'm still trying to decide whether I want to be blogging about this. I first decided to start blogging just to kind of keep track of what we're going through not only for our own purposes, but also in case there was anyone out there who was going through something similar and could benefit from us sharing our experiences. But then I start to wonder if that's self-indulgent, thinking that someone would be interested in our experiences. I've also found a number of other blogs since starting this one so a little bit I think there's resources and networks and whatnot out there already... no one needs us to do this. I'm still not 100% decided. I guess I'll continue for now and if I decide to stop, I can always stop.
The other thing that's been holding me back a bit is trying to decide what degree of information about myself and my family to be "out there". Do I disclose what city we live in? Our names? I feel like in part I'm writing this because I want people to be able to relate, but at the same time I don't necessarily want my co-workers or neighbours to be reading it. Actually, I haven't even told my wife that I started a blog yet. Not that I think she'll mind. I'm just kind of hesitant about the whole thing still.
Anyway, with that said, I will update about what we've been going through the past few months.
As I mentioned before, we did our first insemination attempt in November. It was unsuccessful. The fertility clinic we go to was closed over the winter holidays, so we didn't go in that month. January my wife ovulated early, so we didn't do an insemination that month either. February we had another unsuccessful attempt. We are now about a week into waiting to find out whether our March attempt was successful or not. My wife is somewhat convinced she will be able to tell right away whether it has "worked" or not, so I think she is not so optimistic about this month's results. I, on the other hand, think that I will wait until we've at least done a home pregnancy test before giving up hope. (Not that she's given up hope completely.)
We did have an appointment with our fertility doctor today. She called us in a little unexpectedly. Since we've had three attepts, we wondered if she wanted to meet with us so she could push some drugs on us. We both have a suspicion that the clinic wants good stats so they will start pushing the drugs if things aren't happening naturally. Fortunately that was not the case. The doctor's concern is that there have been a few months where my wife has ovulated early and even though all the numbers come back looking great on, say, day 8 or 9, that the follicle (egg) might not be mature enough when she does ovulate. She explained that we could go the route of taking very low doses of drugs to delay ovulation another day or two, but that she wouldn't really recommend that right now. What she wanted us to consider was not doing insemination attempts before day 10 if my wife were to ovulate early again. We're trying to avoid using drugs to help in the process because we would like to decrease the chance of multiples, but were agreeable to putting off inseminations for any months she ovulates early. So we're good for now. Hopefully the early ovulations have just been sort of one-off things and we don't have to think about this again, but I guess if they become a pattern we will reevaluate.
Right now this is the monthly process we're going through:
Day 1 -call clinic to notify them that my wife has started her cycle
Day 3 -go in in morning for blood work and full-bladder ultrasound to measure her hormone levels and follicle size
Day 8 -go in in morning for blood work and empty bladder ultrasound
-continue this until follicle has reached appropriate size (1.8mm or larger) and hormone levels (estradiol and luteinizing hormone) have spiked signaling ovulation
-on day that this happens go in at noon for IUI
-start progestrone treatments (the first time we didn't use any, then we used a twice-daily supository, and now are using Crinone, a once-daily supository, which I think we will stick with on any future attempts)
-two weeks following IUI go in in morning for bloodwork/pregnancy test
I guess that's enough of an update for now. I will try to post again soon(er).
The other thing that's been holding me back a bit is trying to decide what degree of information about myself and my family to be "out there". Do I disclose what city we live in? Our names? I feel like in part I'm writing this because I want people to be able to relate, but at the same time I don't necessarily want my co-workers or neighbours to be reading it. Actually, I haven't even told my wife that I started a blog yet. Not that I think she'll mind. I'm just kind of hesitant about the whole thing still.
Anyway, with that said, I will update about what we've been going through the past few months.
As I mentioned before, we did our first insemination attempt in November. It was unsuccessful. The fertility clinic we go to was closed over the winter holidays, so we didn't go in that month. January my wife ovulated early, so we didn't do an insemination that month either. February we had another unsuccessful attempt. We are now about a week into waiting to find out whether our March attempt was successful or not. My wife is somewhat convinced she will be able to tell right away whether it has "worked" or not, so I think she is not so optimistic about this month's results. I, on the other hand, think that I will wait until we've at least done a home pregnancy test before giving up hope. (Not that she's given up hope completely.)
We did have an appointment with our fertility doctor today. She called us in a little unexpectedly. Since we've had three attepts, we wondered if she wanted to meet with us so she could push some drugs on us. We both have a suspicion that the clinic wants good stats so they will start pushing the drugs if things aren't happening naturally. Fortunately that was not the case. The doctor's concern is that there have been a few months where my wife has ovulated early and even though all the numbers come back looking great on, say, day 8 or 9, that the follicle (egg) might not be mature enough when she does ovulate. She explained that we could go the route of taking very low doses of drugs to delay ovulation another day or two, but that she wouldn't really recommend that right now. What she wanted us to consider was not doing insemination attempts before day 10 if my wife were to ovulate early again. We're trying to avoid using drugs to help in the process because we would like to decrease the chance of multiples, but were agreeable to putting off inseminations for any months she ovulates early. So we're good for now. Hopefully the early ovulations have just been sort of one-off things and we don't have to think about this again, but I guess if they become a pattern we will reevaluate.
Right now this is the monthly process we're going through:
Day 1 -call clinic to notify them that my wife has started her cycle
Day 3 -go in in morning for blood work and full-bladder ultrasound to measure her hormone levels and follicle size
Day 8 -go in in morning for blood work and empty bladder ultrasound
-continue this until follicle has reached appropriate size (1.8mm or larger) and hormone levels (estradiol and luteinizing hormone) have spiked signaling ovulation
-on day that this happens go in at noon for IUI
-start progestrone treatments (the first time we didn't use any, then we used a twice-daily supository, and now are using Crinone, a once-daily supository, which I think we will stick with on any future attempts)
-two weeks following IUI go in in morning for bloodwork/pregnancy test
I guess that's enough of an update for now. I will try to post again soon(er).
Sunday, December 13, 2009
And So It Continues...
So, first of all I will say that we were able to select a donor. Once we had decided which criteria were important to us, it wasn't too hard to narrow it down to a short list. We would have been happy with any of the choices from our short list, but were able to purchase multiple samples from our #1 choice, so that was wonderful. The receptionist at the sperm bank was extremely helpful and the whole process went very smoothly.
We were hoping that we would start inseminations in September, but during some of the initial tests at the fertility clinic they detected a polup on my wife's uterus which had to be removed. The surgery was done in late September and we had to wait until she had recovered before going back for insemination attempts. So our first try wasn't until November.
I was able to leave work on my lunch hour and go down for the insemination. They took us into the ultrasound room and asked my partner to undress and put on a gown. They asked me to hold the sperm to keep it warm. (I a little bit think they were just trying to give me something to do to feel involved, but I appreciate the gesture.) When they came back in the ultrasound tech put the ultrasound wand on my partner's stomach while the doctor put the sperm into a syringe with a catheter attached to it. She inserted the catheter and injected the sperm. Because of the ultrasound, I was able to watch the sperm go in and start swimming towards the egg. It was really neat to see.
Then came the two weeks of waiting.
We both thought we would be much more patient, but really we could not wait to know if it had "worked." We went to far as to buy a couple of home pregnancy tests to take before the official appointment at the fertility clinic. Unfortunately both the home tests and the clinic test came back negative, so we will be trying again in January. (The clinic is closed through the December holidays.)
Fingers crossed for next time. :)
We were hoping that we would start inseminations in September, but during some of the initial tests at the fertility clinic they detected a polup on my wife's uterus which had to be removed. The surgery was done in late September and we had to wait until she had recovered before going back for insemination attempts. So our first try wasn't until November.
I was able to leave work on my lunch hour and go down for the insemination. They took us into the ultrasound room and asked my partner to undress and put on a gown. They asked me to hold the sperm to keep it warm. (I a little bit think they were just trying to give me something to do to feel involved, but I appreciate the gesture.) When they came back in the ultrasound tech put the ultrasound wand on my partner's stomach while the doctor put the sperm into a syringe with a catheter attached to it. She inserted the catheter and injected the sperm. Because of the ultrasound, I was able to watch the sperm go in and start swimming towards the egg. It was really neat to see.
Then came the two weeks of waiting.
We both thought we would be much more patient, but really we could not wait to know if it had "worked." We went to far as to buy a couple of home pregnancy tests to take before the official appointment at the fertility clinic. Unfortunately both the home tests and the clinic test came back negative, so we will be trying again in January. (The clinic is closed through the December holidays.)
Fingers crossed for next time. :)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Things to Consider When Choosing a Sperm Donor
We're in-between appointments right now.
My wife is going to start cycle monitoring sometime this week and we have our psychologist appointment next week.
I wanted to take some time about some of the things we thought about when starting this whole process and also as we try to choose a donor.
First we had to decide who was going to try to conceive. We agreed that we would eventually like to try to have two children. I've known for a long time that I would like to have the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, my wife was not as sure. ("It's like having an alien inside of you!" she says.) So, it was either that I would try to conceive twice, or that we would each try once. Eventually she decided that she wanted to give it a try. Since she is nearly five years older than me, but still under 35, we decided that she would would go first. In a couple of years when we're ready to try for our second, it will be my turn to carry.
The second thing we had to decide on was whether to use a known or anonymous donor. There was only one guy we were considering as a known donor. He's a friend that I met in university. He's gay and is the single parent of a beautiful little boy that he had with a surrogate mother. He says it's the best thing he's ever done in his life and that he would be honoured to help us try to have children. We VERY seriously considered taking him up on his offer. He's kind, smart, healthy, gorgeous, and any children that we had would know who their biological father was. Logistically it was very difficult to work out though. We basically had two options. #1. Fly him out every month and use the turkey baster method. #2. Have him apply as a Designated (Known) Donor at a sperm bank... but this presented a slew of other challenges. Since he's gay we would have to fill out a special consent form and have it approved. Same because of his age (over 40). Also, his sperm would have to be quarantined for a year before we could start inseminations. Finally, using a Designated Donor is much more costly than going the anonymous route. Neither my wife or I were very comfortable with Option #1. We tend to be somewhat cautious and I think both liked the reassurance that comes with going through a clinic for cycle monitoring and insemination. Also, he's able to make that commitment to us now, but what if in a few years, when we want to have a second child, the circumstances have changed? (Not that we didn't trust that he would still be willing, more that he might not be able.) Since we are both planning on carrying a child, we would like to use the same donor, so that the children share a biological link. So we eliminated Option #1. For the reasons mentioned above, Option #2 was out as well. So that meant looking at sperm banks for an anonymous donor.
Here are some of the things we are considering now that we are trying to decide on an anonymous donor:
-personal and family heath history (a history of cancer or heart disease are concerns for us)
-appearance (height, weight, skin tone, hair and eye colour -looking for someone not too big and with similar colouring to either of us)
-interests (balanced, and if possible, somewhat in line with or complementary to our own)
Based on the research that we did we also decided that we should try to choose a donor who was CMV negative, had a reported pregnancy, and had IUI samples available.
We currently have the list narrowed down to 6 potential donors, and are hoping to decide on our top two before the end of the month. We plan on purchasing a number of samples and storing them so that they are available when we need them and there isn't question about the availability of additional samples from the same donor. (Of course, if it takes a lot of attempts, we may have to hope that there are additional samples available because we don't want to over buy either... this stuff is expensive!)
An additional FYI: According to the ReproMed website 42% of women using donor sperm conceive within 3 cycles and 67% conceive within 6 cycles (86% for women under 36 years old). The CanAm Cryoservices site lists pregnancy rates in the range of 9-20% per cycle. I'm the type of person who likes knowing the stats, even though I'm well aware that they're only stats and things can vary greatly from one person to the next.
Anyway, I know we had a ton of questions about choosing a donor, so I hope that this information helps anyone who is thinking about try to conceive using donor sperm. Maybe at some point in the future I will do a big post about the processes with the fertility clinic because I know that was another area that we really didn't know a lot about either.
Catch ya' later.
My wife is going to start cycle monitoring sometime this week and we have our psychologist appointment next week.
I wanted to take some time about some of the things we thought about when starting this whole process and also as we try to choose a donor.
First we had to decide who was going to try to conceive. We agreed that we would eventually like to try to have two children. I've known for a long time that I would like to have the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, my wife was not as sure. ("It's like having an alien inside of you!" she says.) So, it was either that I would try to conceive twice, or that we would each try once. Eventually she decided that she wanted to give it a try. Since she is nearly five years older than me, but still under 35, we decided that she would would go first. In a couple of years when we're ready to try for our second, it will be my turn to carry.
The second thing we had to decide on was whether to use a known or anonymous donor. There was only one guy we were considering as a known donor. He's a friend that I met in university. He's gay and is the single parent of a beautiful little boy that he had with a surrogate mother. He says it's the best thing he's ever done in his life and that he would be honoured to help us try to have children. We VERY seriously considered taking him up on his offer. He's kind, smart, healthy, gorgeous, and any children that we had would know who their biological father was. Logistically it was very difficult to work out though. We basically had two options. #1. Fly him out every month and use the turkey baster method. #2. Have him apply as a Designated (Known) Donor at a sperm bank... but this presented a slew of other challenges. Since he's gay we would have to fill out a special consent form and have it approved. Same because of his age (over 40). Also, his sperm would have to be quarantined for a year before we could start inseminations. Finally, using a Designated Donor is much more costly than going the anonymous route. Neither my wife or I were very comfortable with Option #1. We tend to be somewhat cautious and I think both liked the reassurance that comes with going through a clinic for cycle monitoring and insemination. Also, he's able to make that commitment to us now, but what if in a few years, when we want to have a second child, the circumstances have changed? (Not that we didn't trust that he would still be willing, more that he might not be able.) Since we are both planning on carrying a child, we would like to use the same donor, so that the children share a biological link. So we eliminated Option #1. For the reasons mentioned above, Option #2 was out as well. So that meant looking at sperm banks for an anonymous donor.
Here are some of the things we are considering now that we are trying to decide on an anonymous donor:
-personal and family heath history (a history of cancer or heart disease are concerns for us)
-appearance (height, weight, skin tone, hair and eye colour -looking for someone not too big and with similar colouring to either of us)
-interests (balanced, and if possible, somewhat in line with or complementary to our own)
Based on the research that we did we also decided that we should try to choose a donor who was CMV negative, had a reported pregnancy, and had IUI samples available.
We currently have the list narrowed down to 6 potential donors, and are hoping to decide on our top two before the end of the month. We plan on purchasing a number of samples and storing them so that they are available when we need them and there isn't question about the availability of additional samples from the same donor. (Of course, if it takes a lot of attempts, we may have to hope that there are additional samples available because we don't want to over buy either... this stuff is expensive!)
An additional FYI: According to the ReproMed website 42% of women using donor sperm conceive within 3 cycles and 67% conceive within 6 cycles (86% for women under 36 years old). The CanAm Cryoservices site lists pregnancy rates in the range of 9-20% per cycle. I'm the type of person who likes knowing the stats, even though I'm well aware that they're only stats and things can vary greatly from one person to the next.
Anyway, I know we had a ton of questions about choosing a donor, so I hope that this information helps anyone who is thinking about try to conceive using donor sperm. Maybe at some point in the future I will do a big post about the processes with the fertility clinic because I know that was another area that we really didn't know a lot about either.
Catch ya' later.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Appointment #2
This morning was our second appointment.
I didn't mention this in my first post, but we were not terribly enamored with the first doctor we met at the fertility clinic. She was very, well, clinical. We also found out that she specializes in "minimally invastive [surgical] procedures related to fertility", which we don't expect to be in need of, so perhaps she wasn't terribly interested in us. Anyway, when we were booking our second appointment we found out that she's only at the clinic one day a week in the afternoon, so we asked if we could be switched to another doctor. We met with the new doctor this morning and both really like her. She was very personable. She explained things extremely well, answered all of our questions, reassured us that she will be around to guide us through the whole process. So today was a much better experience overall.
As expected, the doctor went over my wife's test results with us. Actually, all of the results weren't in yet, so she went over the ones that she had and told us that in a week we can call and she'll go over the results that haven't come in yet. As I mentioned above, she also explained the process to us again and answered a bunch of questions we had about blood types and Rh factors and IgM and IgG and all sorts of things.
We're going away on vacation next week, so we weren't able to do cycle monitoring for August and the doctor recommended that we do one month of montoring before starting IUI so we will do monotoring in September and start IUI in October. That also gives us time to get counselling, which everyone who lives in Canada and plans on using donor semen/eggs has to do before receiving treatment. We're also still trying to narrow down our list of potential donors. We've chosen which bank we're going to go with and have a short list of about 10 potential donors to further narrow down.
So, our next steps are to get counselling, go through one month of cycle monotoring and choose a donor.
I'll keep you updated.
I didn't mention this in my first post, but we were not terribly enamored with the first doctor we met at the fertility clinic. She was very, well, clinical. We also found out that she specializes in "minimally invastive [surgical] procedures related to fertility", which we don't expect to be in need of, so perhaps she wasn't terribly interested in us. Anyway, when we were booking our second appointment we found out that she's only at the clinic one day a week in the afternoon, so we asked if we could be switched to another doctor. We met with the new doctor this morning and both really like her. She was very personable. She explained things extremely well, answered all of our questions, reassured us that she will be around to guide us through the whole process. So today was a much better experience overall.
As expected, the doctor went over my wife's test results with us. Actually, all of the results weren't in yet, so she went over the ones that she had and told us that in a week we can call and she'll go over the results that haven't come in yet. As I mentioned above, she also explained the process to us again and answered a bunch of questions we had about blood types and Rh factors and IgM and IgG and all sorts of things.
We're going away on vacation next week, so we weren't able to do cycle monitoring for August and the doctor recommended that we do one month of montoring before starting IUI so we will do monotoring in September and start IUI in October. That also gives us time to get counselling, which everyone who lives in Canada and plans on using donor semen/eggs has to do before receiving treatment. We're also still trying to narrow down our list of potential donors. We've chosen which bank we're going to go with and have a short list of about 10 potential donors to further narrow down.
So, our next steps are to get counselling, go through one month of cycle monotoring and choose a donor.
I'll keep you updated.
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