Monday, September 16, 2013

Donor Siblings

When we first started TTC we had to go to a mandatory psychologist appointment.  We weren't thrilled with the idea, but cost aside, it ended up being a positive experience.  One of the things we discussed with the psychologist was the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).  Jen and I agreed that it was something we'd be interested in joining, so shortly after The Bean was born we registered.  We were disappointed when no one else who had used our donor was on it, but there wasn't anything we could do about it.  

Over the past few years I've looked for Facebook groups for our donor and occasionally even Googled his donor number wondering if anything would come up.  Nothing has.

Then last night, as I was coming out from the bedroom after putting Sprout to sleep, Jen excitedly told me that we'd been contacted through the DSR.  It was just a brief message, asking if we'd be interested in chatting and exchanging photos and the like.  We wrote back this morning, and have since added them to our Facebook friends lists and had a few brief exchanges.

They're also a two-mom family (which I feel surprisingly relieved by) and have a daughter who is ten months older than The Bean.  She and The Bean have the same eyes, though her dark hair more like Sprout's.  She's very cute and I look learning more about her and her family.  

If any readers have experiences with donor families that they want to share I'm all ears!    

11 comments:

  1. Great news! I think you know about our donor sibling experiences. It's all been very positive for us. Our group started a Facebook group a little while ago; before that we had a Yahoo group and we occasionally share information and photos. We have met one donor sibling and it was a positive experience. We hadn't intended to meet donor siblings until the boys were older, but Erik shows a keen interest in his half-siblings and we felt it was a good move for him. We look forward to meeting more of them when the time is right for everyone. Keep us posted!

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  2. That's great!! We have a group of well over 30 families. Our donor has over 100 children (note that most families have 2 or more kids so it's not 100 families.)

    We've discovered the donor's true identity through the group which we actually like--nice to know a name to go with the number. Just because. Even though we did pay to have an open id donor anyway.

    We've met up with 2 other families in Ontario, 1 in Florida, 1 in Boston and 1 in Conneticut. It is AWESOME. We even went to Disney World with some of them. It has been great comparing health issues, etc. and just seeing how they are similar.

    We tell the kids they are donor siblings--they have the same donor. They like seeing them sometimes.

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  3. No experiences to share, other than to say it's funny how we all end up choosing different paths.

    Shorty and I discussed it and came to the opposite conclusion- that our family feels complete without a DSR and that if, one day, Pax or his future sib want to explore it, then they may make that choice.

    Still, I find the idea intriguing, and as someone who has no idea who her father/sperm donor was, it's something I feel like I have in common with my child... the possibility that we could both be standing next to a half sib in an elevator and have no idea.

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    1. Oh, our family of four feels complete, but Jen and I are still curious about donor siblings. ;) I appreciate hearing your perspective though. FWIW, I grew up knowing that I had a half-brother but not knowing anything about him. He tracked down me and my brother and sister a few years ago and we've all really been happy to foster that connection.

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  4. interesting! I am interested in looking into the DSR and connecting with other families (who I know have a FB group), but my partner is opposed to it, so we don't. thanks for sharing your experience!

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    1. It's must be difficult to not be on the same page... hopefully you don't feel too strongly about knowing. And the opportunity will always be there if R changes her mind.

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  5. I just joined DSR and found 3 other families, including one family with twins as well!

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    1. Wow! That didn't take you long at all!!

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  6. We're both curious, but superficially so. We're not going to explore it now or any time soon I don't think. Probably will leave it up to Curly when he's a lot older.

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  7. This is great if it is what you want and are happy with it!
    I have gone to great lengths for my children NOT to have donor siblings.
    We are all different eh?

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  8. I used a known donor who has only donated once before and is not in contact with the couple he donated for. I am itching to know more about them and their child! I'd be totally open to meeting them some day. I chose a known donor to take the mystery out of the equation for myself and my child(ren), and yet there is STILL some mystery!

    so exciting that you've got in touch with some donor siblings!

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