Etsy Finds

I woke up early this morning. I really didn't want to get up, but I was tossing and turning for a couple of hours and was starting to worry that I'd wake up Jen if I didn't just get out of bed. So, I've been up since about 5:30am. I crocheted the bean a little red and white striped hat while the cat kept me company. Then I did some ironing. Then some online banking. Jen got up while I was poking around online and we made some breakfast. She's working on a course she's taking now, so I thought I'd take the chance to update the blog with some of those Etsy finds I was talking about the other day.

CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES


birdyboots


bostonbeanies


CritterJitters


thesittingtree


threekittensknitting


woolybaby

TOYS


robinandmould


mikebtoys


isabellsumbrella


littlesaplingstoys


birdandlittlebird


luvlugurumi

ART


joojoo


sloeginfizz


junecraft


sarahjanestudio


naokosstoop


kikiandpolly

Quick Update

Things are chugging along more or less as usual right now.

I'm a teacher and am now back to my regular work schedule after having the summer off and am still adjusting a little bit. So far I'm enjoying the new year. I seem to have a nice group of students and am looking forward to when we're settled into a routine as right now things still feel somewhat, well, unsettled.

We had a midwife appointment again last week and things are looking pretty good with the bean. We did get some abnormal test results (again) on our last ultrasound. This time it showed a small sac growing off of one of the kidneys. Our midwife reassured us that this is not uncommon and it usually resolves before birth, and if not then, shortly after. The most common side effect is UTIs and often babies born with this problem are put onto antibiotics right after birth to try to prevent this from happening. We really aren't too concerned, but we will be going in for another ultrasound in about a month to check on how things are progressing. I'm hoping it's a non-issue by then.

We picked up some more (used) MotherEase cloth diapers and a small assortment of diaper covers. Someone had them listed on Craigslist and we ended up getting them for a great price. I was telling one of my co-workers about having to go pick them up and she offered to bring me in some covers she's done with now that her kids are all potty-trained, so we got even more covers from her. They aren't all in the best shape, but I think it's nice to have the assortment.

A couple of things regarding cloth diapers. One, so many people I've spoken to and blogs I've read have talked about how CDing a newborn is so hard because you're so tired and they're so little and such poop so often, so I think we will plan on having some small disposable diapers for the first few weeks. Two, I have decided that covers with snaps wear MUCH better than covers with Velcro/hook and loop closures. I totally get that Velcro is quick and easy and probably lets you adjust to your baby's size a bit better, but I hate the way it seems to get the diapers all pilled and rolls and gets threads caught in it. I think we'll try to get covers with snaps when possible so that they stay in better condition for a longer amount of time.

I've had to restrain myself from looking at too much baby stuff (clothes/toys) online because so much of it is so cute and I want to get it for our little guy but I know it's not likely we'll need it, so I'm trying to hold back. I do hope to do an update at some point with some of the adorable items I've found on Etsy. If I give in, it's likely to be from something on there. :)

My laptop battery is dying so I guess that's about it for now.

Cloth Diapers

This post isn't going to be what I had intended it to be: a well-researched post listing the pros and cons of various cloth diaper options and seeking out real-life opinions and responses to said research. The real-life opinions are still very much welcome, but I haven't done the research I intended to.

Jen and I decided that despite my mother-in-laws strong favouritisim towards disposables (she cloth diapered but LOVED it when she would get disposables as a gift), we would like to try cloth diapering. Both of us hate the idea of filling a landfill with thousands of our child's diapers. We create enough garbage as it is, if we can reduce the amount by cloth diapering our child, we will try it. Not to mention that cloth diapering is supposedly less expensive and also better for the child in terms of being better for their skin and eventually toilet training.

My sister, who is a bit of a modern-day hippie, was pleased to hear that we were going to try to give cloth diapering a go. She hasn't had children but is very pro cloth diapering. Perhaps needless to say, there's a whole other story to this, but she had a good stash of cloth diapers that she was willing to give us. So we now have:
-11 unbleached MotherEase diapers
-6 bleached MotherEase diapers
-10 waterproof Kushies all-in-ones
-15 cotton Kushies all-in-ones
-3 Kushies covers
-1 gDiaper cover
-2 packages of gDiaper refills
-1 roll of flushable liners
-12 prefolds
All but four of the waterproof Kushies are from her.


It's a good start, but we know we're going to need to increase our stash, and the big question now is, with what? I think we'll definitely buy some MotherEase covers since we have quite a few of their diapers. We've also looked at Bummis, BumGenius, Thirsties, MonkeyDoodlez and gDiapers. I've read some not-so-great reviews of gDiapers so as much as I think they are super-cute and really WANT to like them, I'm quite hesitant. MonkeyDoodlez seem similar to gDiapers, so I'm not so sure about them either. My guess is that we'll end up with at least some of each of the other three options. I like that Thirsties appear to come in smaller sizes (for newborns), and Bummis offers a starter pack that seems quite good, and BumGenius are all-in-ones which seems like it might be easier than the prefolds. There's also Bumkins and about 100 other options out there though, so I really don't know.

Anyone with cloth diapering experience who wants to throw their two cents in would be more than welcome to right now!

Two More Articles

I came across these articles while searching the internet for cloth diaper options. They're about same-sex and lesbian parenting, not cloth diapering, but I thought people looking at this blog might be interested. More on cloth diapering later...


No Harm From Having Same-Sex Parents Researcher Shows

An international research study has shown there is no disadvantage to having same-sex parents verses opposite-sex ones.

Some groups have long claimed that children need one male and one female parent in order to be emotionally adjusted. This new research shows that the quality of parenting has far more to do than the gender of parents for raising children. Sociologists from the University of California looked at 81 different studies on families and found no differences in children raised by a variety of parents. The researchers, Stacey and Timothy Biblarz, spent 5 years looking over the data before coming to this conclusion.

“Children being raised by same-gender parents, on most all of the measures that we care about, self-esteem, school performance, social adjustment and so on, seem to be doing just fine and, in most cases, are statistically indistinguishable from kids raised by married moms and dads on these measures,” Biblarz says.

This research not only looks at same-sex couples and how they parent, but also at single parents who raise their children alone. Again, quality of parenting counts more towards raising healthy children.
–Summer, Staff Writer
Source: http://www.growingyourbaby.com/2010/01/26/no-harm-from-having-same-sex-parents-researcher-shows/


Study: Kids of Same-Sex Moms Do Better Than Peers

Two researchers from the US and Amsterdam combined to do the first ever study on children of same-sex moms. The results shocked many as it revealed that these children scored far higher than children of straight parents on many different levels.

Researchers Nanette Gartrell, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco, and Henry Bos, a behavioral scientist at the University of Amsterdam, tracked children who were raised by same-sex moms. Following the children from birth through adolescence, the researchers wanted to see how different children raised in two-mother families would be in social development. Previous studies had found no differences, though these studies often included the children of parents who had came out as lesbians later in life. For this study, the researchers wanted parents that identified as homosexual from the start.

While in areas of development and social behavior the two groups of children scored very similarly, the researchers were shocked to find major differences in other areas. Children raised by same-sex moms scored much better than those in traditional families when it came to of self-esteem and confidence. These children also did better academically, and had lower levels of reported behavioral problems.

“We simply expected to find no difference in psychological adjustment between adolescents reared in lesbian families and the normative sample of age-matched controls,” says Gartrell. “I was surprised to find that on some measures we found higher levels of [psychological] competency and lower levels of behavioral problems. It wasn’t something I anticipated.”

Of the children from same-sex parents, nearly half had reported teasing, ostracism or discrimination based on their parents. When the children were surveyed at age 10 there was some higher levels of stress due to these problems, however by age 17 the stress levels were average.

“Obviously there are some factors that may include family support and changes in education about appreciation for diversity that may be helping young people to come to a better place despite these experiences,” says Gartrell.

The researchers are not certain as to why the children of same-sex moms score better, but they think it has something to do with the negative discrimination these families face. Gartrell believes that same-sex parents make parenting a higher priority because they are aware that their children will face stigmatization. These parents may also be more likely to actively discuss topics such as tolerance and discrimination with their children.

“They are very involved in their children’s lives,” she says of the lesbian parents. “And that is a great recipe for healthy outcomes for children. Being present, having good communication, being there in their schools, finding out what is going on in their schools and various aspects of the children’s lives is very, very important.”

More research is being planned for the future, and the researchers hope to collect data on two father families next.
–Summer, staff writer
Source: http://www.growingyourbaby.com/2010/06/10/study-kids-of-same-sex-moms-do-better-than-peers/

In the Clear

The ultrasound results came back clear. THANK GOODNESS! Our baby appears to be healthy and developing normally. It also appears to be a boy!

Before we even started fertility treatments I was quite sure that we would have a boy. Then once Jen was a few months pregnant, I thought, "Oh my, what if it's a girl and here I've been thinking boy, boy, boy?" And from that point on I started thinking of our baby as a little girl. So, when we got these ultrasound results I was thrown for a bit of a loop. (As were most people we've told -it seems almost everyone thought we were having a girl.) We were cautioned that it is a little early to tell, and have an ultrasound scheduled at the beginning of Septmeber that is typically the one where you find out the sex, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to change.

I'm excited to know the sex, but also a little bit nervous about having a boy. What do I know about being a boy? Will he have good male role-models in his life? Will he grow up happy and well-adjusted? (A concern no matter what the sex.) I hope we're good mamas to our little guy.

Anxiety-causing News

I didn't plan on updating this soon, but we got a call from our midwife today. She had just got in our second set of bloodwork from the genetic screening we did and there was an abnormal result. Jen's alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) levels came back slightly high (2.38 vs. 2.30) which may indicate a neural tube defect, specifically spina bifida. She said that that level indicates a 1/631 chance of the baby having spina bifida. From what I was able to find out online, normal chances are about 1/1000. I'm trying not to worry, but spina bifida sort of runs in Jen's family. She had an uncle who died shortly after birth who had it, and also has a cousin with it.

The plan now is to go in for another ultrasound at the end of this week. I think they'll be able to see the baby's spine and determine if it does have spina bifida.

I cried after hanging up the phone and just kept repeating, "Please don't let our baby be sick." I then proceeded to look up information online and was somewhat able to convince myself not to worry... too much... at least not yet.

From what I read Jen did everything she could to prevent this. She took prenatal vitamins with folic acid in them before conceiving, and then took additional folic acid suppliments during the first month or two. She's been eating a lot of breads and leafy greens and eggs all of which are also supposed to contain folic acid.

This is going to be a difficult week.

I keep thinking of the last ultrasound and how excited we were to see the bean moving all around and how everything seemed so wonderful and amazing.

I really hope our baby is okay.

Update

Things here are going well. We've been really busy the past few weeks, but there hasn't been much new baby-wise to report on. We've had our second appointment with the midwife where we got to listen to the bean's heartbeat, which was pretty cool. Our next appointment is towards the end of this month and at the beginning of September we have another ultrasound where we'll find out whether we're having a boy or a girl. (Yes we're finding out, and yes, we're telling people. I know people who prefer it to be a surprise, but we're both impatient and want to know!) Jen's starting to show a little bit and we even picked up some maternity clothes recently, which was a good thing, because her old pants are definitely NOT fitting her anymore!

We've done a couple more road trips. A couple of weekends ago we drove out of town to visit my mom and see her new house. She used to live in a herritage home that had some really beautiful features, so we were sure we'd like the new place as much, but we actually liked it even more. The layout is great and even though it's not as impressive, it has a homier feel than her other place did. We could definitely picture spending Christmas and holidays there and having kids running around and whatnot. Last weekend we went to see Jen's family again since her brother and his family were visiting from overseas and we really wanted to see our nephew and meet our neice (who's almost a year and a half). We could not believe how big they were! It's too bad we don't get to see them more often. They are just so adorable. Then, this past weekend we drove just across the border to see our favourite band play. It was a lot of fun. The show was good and we got to go backstage and hang out with the band afterwards which was really nice. They were really happy to hear that Jen is pregnant and even asked if they could be "Aunties" to the bean, which I thought was very cute, and of course agreed to. :)

Now we're home, but still farily busy for the rest of the summer. There's visiting to do and barbeques to go to before September starts. I'll try to update if there's anything new going on.

First Baby Picture

We went in this morning for some (optional but routine) genetic screening. As a result we got to watch The Bean move all around for about half an hour while the ultrasound tech took various measurements and screencaps/photos. It was so amazing! I could not stop smiling. In fact, I'm smiling just thinking about it. The Bean was not too co-operative in terms of positioning in such a way that the tech could get good measurements, but I think that meant we got to watch for longer, so I was okay with it! Maybe my favourite part was when The Bean appeared to be sucking on his/her toe. Too cute!

Here's our first baby picture:

Interesting Article: Are Father's Necessary?

My father-in-law passed along his copy of The Atlantic to us because he thought we'd find the cover story interesting. This one section, in particular, stood out to me:

On average, lesbian parents spend more time with their children than fathers do. They rate disputes with their children as less frequent than do hetero couples, and describe co-parenting more compatibly and with greater satisfaction. Their kids perceive their parents to be more available and dependable than do the children of heteros. They also discuss more emotional issues with their parents. They have fewer behavioral problems, and show more interest in and try harder at school.

According to Stacey and Biblarz, "Two women who chose to become parents together seemed to provide a double dose of a middle-class 'feminine' approach to parenting.” And, they conclude, “based strictly on the published science, one could argue that two women parent better on average than a woman and a man, or at least than a woman and man with a traditional division of family labor.”
-From The Atlantic, July/August 2010
Are Father's Necessary? by Pamela Paul

I find the first part of the article encouraging. As for the second part, Jen and I have often discussed how glad we are that we're able to avoid traditional gender expectations, particularly around household division of labour. For the most part we take turns doing different tasks, depending on how each of us is feeling that day. I imagine it will be much the same once we have a child. Anyway, I just found it interesting and thought I would share.

Thrifty Finds

We're back from our trip to see Jen's family. We had a very nice, low-key holiday. We were able to get together with a number of family members and friends while we were away and share our good news with them. Everyone seemed very excited. We had to fight hard with my wife's grandmother to convince her to let us call family members living further away. (In the end we actually compromised, and we called family that we're closer with while she called some of the others.)

So, in some of the baby excitement, we’ve started trying to find some basics. First one of my co-workers who is moving overseas offered us some of his children’s belongings that they weren’t going to be taking with them in the move. Then one of Jen’s ex co-workers who doesn’t plan on having any more children did the same. We also hit up some garage sales both in our hometown and when we went to visit my partner’s parents and did verywell finding essentials like bibs, onesies, sleepers, little outfits at amazing prices.

Items we found here.

Items we found at Jen's parents'.

I also found a bunting snowsuit on Craigslist and some more clothes being given away on a Yahoo! group.

I’m really pleased with what we’ve been able to get at such reasonable prices. (So far we've spent under $50.) I’ve washed and ironed everything we've brought home, and if I do say so myself, it all looks fantastic! Our little Bean is going to be set! Not to mention all the items that were given to us like a BabyBjorn, umbrella stroller, JollyJumper, car seat for when The Bean is older etc. and, items that have been bought for us, including some very cute little onesies an awesome infant car seat from Grandma and Grandpa.

I’d have to say the biggest challenge so far has been trying to find clothing items that are gender-neutral. We won’t be able to find out the sex of the baby for a while yet, but we will once it’s possible. It’s too bad that so much of what’s made for babies seems so gender-specific, but I am still very happy with our finds.