On Not Having to Make a Decision

Last Friday I arrived at work to an email from my VP (who is the Acting Principal, as the Principal is on sick leave) asking me to come in to speak to her when I had a chance.

Earlier that week there had been a minor incident with a child bumping his arm in P.E., which the parents were making into a Very Big Deal, and I was quite concerned that they were going to sue.  Needless to say, I was a bit anxious walking into her office.

She asked me to sit and close the door, and then let me know that unfortunately they wouldn't' be able to offer me a contract for September.  I was relieved that it wasn't about the bumped arm, but both surprised and not surprised about the job.  I knew that enrollment for the fall was way down and hadn't been expecting an offer, except for the fact that the VP had asked me a week or two prior if I'd consider teaching full time.  

I let her know that I understood and thanked her for letting me know.  She was really quite apologetic about the whole thing and very kind in saying how much professional respect she has for me, which I appreciated.  And while I certainly felt nothing like when I was let go from my previous position, I was still a bit disappointed... which surprised me.  I guess it never feels good to lose your job, even if it's a job you're a bit on the fence about.

Jen and I had been discussing the fall and all of the potential situations.  Though things were up in the air, we were operating under the assumption I'd be asked back, at least on a part-time basis.  We had just dropped off registration forms for the kids to go to the daycare in what will be The Bean's school and had been discussing whether it'd be worthwhile for me to work part-time, since after paying for daycare I'd really only be bringing home a few hundred dollars a month. The thing is, I love teaching.  When I'm not teaching I miss it. A lot. I feel depressed. Part-time would have been good as it would have allowed me some time with the kids, but also the fulfillment of working.  And a few hundred dollars extra a month is still a few hundred dollars extra a month.  Full time would have had the benefit of more money, but I was a bit anxious about never being able to touch base with The Bean's teacher and having Sprout away from us all day. And not working, well, it will be tight financially (hopefully I'll qualify for some E.I. for the first little bit at least) and I will miss working, but I will have this time with the kids.  I'll be able to drop off and pick up The Bean from school.  Maybe even bring him home for lunches.  And volunteer in his classroom.  I'll be able to take Sprout to programs and parks and enjoy another year with her before she starts Junior Kindergarten.  So there are certainly positives.  But it's still hard.  

:/